Backpedaling

It’s a funny feeling after you’ve written a post like this one.  On one hand its exhilarating to have shared so freely and opened my heart up to the world.  Talking about Jake and his developmental struggles is to unleash a torrent of emotions, struggles, fears, hopes and pleadings with God that I have kept closed in for a long time.  I’m so blessed to have so many people who love and care for my children.  And so many of those people didn’t know the whole story because its just exhausting to try and really tell it over and over again.  I’m thrilled that now more can know and pray for him and watch with us as we see the work our Father has in store for him.

On the other hand … I’ve just opened my heart up to the world (yes, those are the exact words I used above) and that can be terrifying.  What if no one had commented?  Or what if it didn’t make any difference? Or if it caused others to treat Jake differently.  To expect less from him.  To patronize him.  To pity me.  What if?

In the hours after I posted that mini-novel I had to fight the urge not to jump in and edit my post.  Not to add to the story in an effort to explain.  I wanted to be sure people knew he was high functioning.  That he is so much like any other little boy.  That he isn’t weird.  But isn’t that just my pride and lack of faith and trust?  Jake speaks for himself.  Anyone he who has ever met my boy can see that.  He has a way of touching people deep in their hearts and connecting with them in a way I never could.  I literally cannot tell you how many people feel a special bond with Jake.  To know him is to love him.

So I’m sure there will be lots of time in the future to explain both what Jake’s ASD IS and what it ISN’T.  After all this blog wouldn’t serve much of a purpose for those special little people among us if I didn’t elaborate.  But for today I’m going to resist the urge to back pedal.  Resist the urge to explain away.  And embrace the truth of what is.  And that is that I am the mother a precious, perfect child of God.
Watch Jake and his newest trampoline hi-jinks!