Happy 6th Birthday Jake

Today is my big boy Jake's 6th birthday! Just so I don't start blurring the birth order roles now I'm going to keep up with what has become a tradition of writing glowing blogs, making beautiful videos, etc of Jake on his birthday while completely ignoring my other three children. They can all go to the same therapist when they get older and have group sessions where the talk about it. I'll even pay.

Six years ago I was in the hospital still reeling from what happened to my body during 19 hours of labor, three hours of pushing, a vacuum assist delivery complete with a complimentary episiotomy. It was awesome. Since no men read this (except maybe my dad) I'll also add that the next couple of days I was a spectacle to all med students & residents as having the most swollen nether regions any of the providers had seen. This was quite a way to cap off my 42 weeks of gestating my precious son.

I remember holding Jake in my arms and talking with my mom about the life ahead of him. We thought ahead to the first time a girl breaks his heart and I broke down in tears. Six years later that little boy still holds my heartstrings in his beautiful little hands. The tears I've shed worrying over him, loving on him, watching him struggle, and blossom and grow. I see a little boy who captivated everyone from the time of his birth with his beautiful blue eyes and shining blonde hair. And now I see his impish grin as he gets up to go good or the look of concentration on his brow as he works to create a masterpiece. And all of it I store up in my heart much like Mary did as she watched her precious baby Jesus.

Next month Jake starts kindergarten and to say I'm a nervous wreck is an understatement. I'm not ready to open up my fist and let my little boy go. I want to hold onto him forever. Jake is so special and unique and I'm terrified to send him out into the world. I feel more prepared for Ainsley to take on kindergarten . . . my girl who I love every single little bit as much as her big brother. But that is not how it goes an I have four more weeks to come to terms with that. Prayers welcome :) But for tonight I'll just try to celebrate my Jake and thank God for the perfect creation he made when he put that boy together.

On the Road Again

So I think I'm officially back to running. My month off set me back about 7 pounds which was not a highlight but I still managed to rest my foot enough and wait it out until I felt it was good enough to run on. Started out with just 30 minutes slow-ish on the treadmill on Tuesday. Felt good so I took off yesterday and then ran my regular route this morning. It felt good the majority of the time except when I'd step on a rock funny. Its felt good (pain free) all the rest of today so I'm encouraged in that and ready to get serious about training for the Army 10 Miler.

As a result of moving to the area and making lots of new facebook connections with people I'm getting to know I'm feeling a bit more shy with what I put out on my blog. Right now I just feel like writing a big old whiny post but I'm hesitant because I don't want to scare any newcomers away from me. I feel like the majority of my posts since I moved here have been whiny rather than cheerful. Its just still so hard to feel like I belong here sometimes and on weeks like this one (where I'm extra emotional) it really gets to me. I've met soooo many welcoming, kind, friendly women here so that isn't the problem. The problem is that many of these women have a life here - a busy, friend filled, fruitful life - and it doesn't happen to revolve around me. Insanity, I know. And I am insanely busy too but right now that mostly involves taking my children to a never ending parade of doctor's appointments, trying so hard to keep up with my housekeeping & occasionally working a project or two into the mix. Bottom line is that I'm lonely. I want to pick up the phone and call someone but then I stop because I don't want to whine or become a burden.

I know that when we find a church and really settle in that will (hopefully) help. I'm really craving a community group situation like what we had back in TN and I pray that there is one out there for us.

And before I chicken out from sharing my heart I'm going to hit the publish post button.

Sorry To Keep You Waiting

So I know you are all just dying in anticipation to here my next take on my Vibrams. Well, I'm an idiot and rather than reading how to adjust to barefoot running I just jumped right in and managed to give myself a stress fracture. Words do not express how frustrated I am. I was finally reaching my top fitness level and feeling really good in my workouts AND gearing up to train for the Army 10 miler. And now . . . well know I am starting in on my 3rd week of no training trying to get my foot to heal. I've been riding Ryan's bike when I can and yesterday I did the elliptical . . . hoping to start 30 day shred with my girlfriend as soon as it arrives in the mail but nothing compares to a long, hard run. And the worst part is I have no idea when it'll heel up and I'll feel better. If I had some sort of a timeline that might help but right now I'm just taking it day by day. Wouldn't you think that 4 weeks would be enough time to heal a stress fracture? That is what I'm hoping for.

Now the question is what to do, what to do once I heal and start running again. I think at this point with the countdown on until 10 miler time my best bet is to just put on my Asics and stick with those until after the race. Then I'll give it another try and ease into a fivefinger existence more slowly this time. But seriously I just want to scream. Isn't it hard enough to find time to workout, etc without having this happen. So that is that.