Six years ago I was in the hospital still reeling from what happened to my body during 19 hours of labor, three hours of pushing, a vacuum assist delivery complete with a complimentary episiotomy. It was awesome. Since no men read this (except maybe my dad) I'll also add that the next couple of days I was a spectacle to all med students & residents as having the most swollen nether regions any of the providers had seen. This was quite a way to cap off my 42 weeks of gestating my precious son.
I remember holding Jake in my arms and talking with my mom about the life ahead of him. We thought ahead to the first time a girl breaks his heart and I broke down in tears. Six years later that little boy still holds my heartstrings in his beautiful little hands. The tears I've shed worrying over him, loving on him, watching him struggle, and blossom and grow. I see a little boy who captivated everyone from the time of his birth with his beautiful blue eyes and shining blonde hair. And now I see his impish grin as he gets up to go good or the look of concentration on his brow as he works to create a masterpiece. And all of it I store up in my heart much like Mary did as she watched her precious baby Jesus.
Next month Jake starts kindergarten and to say I'm a nervous wreck is an understatement. I'm not ready to open up my fist and let my little boy go. I want to hold onto him forever. Jake is so special and unique and I'm terrified to send him out into the world. I feel more prepared for Ainsley to take on kindergarten . . . my girl who I love every single little bit as much as her big brother. But that is not how it goes an I have four more weeks to come to terms with that. Prayers welcome :) But for tonight I'll just try to celebrate my Jake and thank God for the perfect creation he made when he put that boy together.