I don’t believe in coincidences.
It simply isn’t compatible with my faith. And I could go into that (and am more than happy to with anyone who’d like to grab some coffee) but that isn’t really the point of my blog.
A couple of weeks ago I ordered my newest Stella and Dot engravable. I asked for advice for what to get but I think God had it on my heart all along which one was right for me.
It Is Well.
The past week has been rough for me. Well, its been longer than that but I can’t really pinpoint when it started. What’s made it rough? Me.
I think most people who know me would agree that I’m outgoing, and friendly and generally happy. Actually very happy. But as opposed to being one of those people who is just inexplicably always happy I am one of those people who has wonderful highs but then swings the other way to deep lows. All of the reason and truth speaking in the world sometimes can’t bring me out of these lows. And when I get them I want to just crawl into a cocoon and shield myself from the world.
Because the world hurts. It’s the hurts that I can’t do anything about (well, not really, I understand there is always something small to do) like poverty, sex trafficking, terrorists and those that I can, like feeling like an outsider.
Please don’t think this is a cry for you to invite me to things. It really isn’t. My mind makes no sense. On one hand my heart is hurt when I see thing after thing (always on damn facebook) that I wasn’t included in. On the other hand, I am a homebody in many ways. I love an occasional night out but there is nothing I love more than being with my husband and our kids. I can’t do weekly girls nights. It always sounds like a good idea in advance but in the end I really just want to be with Ryan.
So then why does it hurt? I guess because we all want deeply to be wanted. To be included. Even when we don’t want to be included. Does that even make sense? I know it doesn’t on so many levels.
But this morning as I felt sad, and dragged down, I looked down and realized it was no coincidnce that the words It Is Well hung around my neck.
It is well. My family is wonderful and they love me and I love them.
It is well. I have special people in my life who know me and get me and a special very few who have walked through my darkest times with me and know all my shit but still love me.
It is well. I have a home. And food. And a car. And healthcare.
It is well. I have a husband who is truly a dream. He is literally perfect and I won’t go into detail because I don’t want to make anyone else sad.
It is well. My Father. He is enough. And He has pursued me for 30 + years now reminding me of this. And even though I’m constantly searching for other things to fill me up He keeps reminding me that it is Him.
PS - after re-reading this blog many times (and having 2 of my most trusted advisors sign off on it) I'm laughing because there are so many off-shoots from this topic that I could blog about. I don't think I would want to pursue me as a friend after reading. #highmaintenance
PPS - I realize that I am an extremely sensitive person. While I used to see this as only a drawback I think it is both a strength and a weakness. My sensitivity makes me pause before I post things on social media that would cause someone to feel sad or left out. I hope I succeed at this more than I fail.
PPPS - The Lord is always just what I need and gives me just what I need. Today that was a small miracle that my bestie Redonna's cell, which has been on the fritz all week, was not on the fritz when I needed her.