This is exactly the reason I've yet to decide if I'm going to share my blog with people I know (or don't know) or not . . . because its been over 3 weeks since I've written and I don't know where in the past 3 weeks I should have made time to write about the mundane events of my every day life. Right now my world is so small. I get up with my children, I care for them throughout the day, I cook, I clean, I dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair. I read books, kiss boo-boos and try to keep the house clean. But where is the fun an interest in that? Does anyone really want to read about that? At night I finally finish parenting at around 9pm, eat dinner, watch some Bravo on TV and then pass out dead asleep until Reid wakes me up to eat again.
Its an exhuasting life and the moment. Filled with joyful moments but not filled with much enjoyment . . . if that makes sense . . . and I hate to admit it but its true.
Yesterday should have been an ok day. It should have all gone smoothly but I was so angry and frustrated with my children (mostlyJake) by the time bedtime rolled around that I am still disgusted with myself. He was tired, he was disobedient and pushing my limits and I let him. I yelled and threatened and spanked in inappropriate ways. It was not good. And I ended the day feeling very alone and very much like a failure. Ryan called in the middle of it all and I was just so frustrated that our conversation didn't go well and he was trying to give me parenting advice over the phone which did NOT go over well with me. Its just that its so easy for him to advise me from across the ocean but when I'm in the trenches dealing with it I don't want his sage wisdom. I want to shove that Psy.D where the sun doesn't shine. But I love him, and he is right, he is always freakin' right.
Anyway, this blog is just going to go up for what it is with no editing or re-hashing. I think that is the only way I'll ever get this blog up.