Tuesday, April 23, 2013

still here

I always assumed that the Boston Marathon would be a "one and done" type situation for me.  Its not cheap to fly to Boston.  Its definitely not cheap to stay in Boston.  And I feel guilty and selfish basing our getaway weekends around going for a very long run.

So I was determined to soak up absolutely everything about the marathon.  And I did.  We had a blast eating at a fabulous restaurant in the North End.  We sang "Sweet Caroline" as we cheered on the Red Sox (and my new favorite AL player - Dustin Pedroia).  We saw Desiree Davila and Josh Cox at the amazing expo.  We mastered (ok, floundered along but figured out) the T.  We saw the performers at Faneuil Hall.  I ran my best race ever.  In the most amazing place ever. With the most awesome spectators ever.  I felt satisfied.

And now I don't.  It wasn't finished like I wanted.  I would go back to Boston tomorrow and just sit and remember and heal a little bit if I could.  But life doesn't go like that and I'm chin deep in moving plans and end of the year festivities.

But I still want to go back.  I want to run that marathon again and make it the experience that I wanted - but make it in full.  I don't even care if I PR again next time.  I just want to be there.  To have that bond together with so many others who were touched so deeply by this tragedy.

I don't know if it will happen. I haven't even broached the subject here at casa T knowing that as my husband is still reeling the cost of the last trip might not be the best time to tell him I'm ready to book the next trip.  I almost booked a Boston hotel for next year today - was one click away but stopped when I realized that although the reservation has a no cancellation penalty until 36 hours before check in, I would still be charged the full amount today.  I decided not to see what something like that showing up on the credit card would do to my sweet love (even if the savings are over 50% what they are around marathon booking time).

I'm feeling more like myself every day.  Less sleepy.  I didn't even take a nap two days in a row now.  That must be progress.  Thanks for all the love, care and prayers.  I can feel them.

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