I always assumed that the Boston Marathon would be a "one and done" type situation for me. Its not cheap to fly to Boston. Its definitely not cheap to stay in Boston. And I feel guilty and selfish basing our getaway weekends around going for a very long run.
So I was determined to soak up absolutely everything about the marathon. And I did. We had a blast eating at a fabulous restaurant in the North End. We sang "Sweet Caroline" as we cheered on the Red Sox (and my new favorite AL player - Dustin Pedroia). We saw Desiree Davila and Josh Cox at the amazing expo. We mastered (ok, floundered along but figured out) the T. We saw the performers at Faneuil Hall. I ran my best race ever. In the most amazing place ever. With the most awesome spectators ever. I felt satisfied.
And now I don't. It wasn't finished like I wanted. I would go back to Boston tomorrow and just sit and remember and heal a little bit if I could. But life doesn't go like that and I'm chin deep in moving plans and end of the year festivities.
But I still want to go back. I want to run that marathon again and make it the experience that I wanted - but make it in full. I don't even care if I PR again next time. I just want to be there. To have that bond together with so many others who were touched so deeply by this tragedy.
I don't know if it will happen. I haven't even broached the subject here at casa T knowing that as my husband is still reeling the cost of the last trip might not be the best time to tell him I'm ready to book the next trip. I almost booked a Boston hotel for next year today - was one click away but stopped when I realized that although the reservation has a no cancellation penalty until 36 hours before check in, I would still be charged the full amount today. I decided not to see what something like that showing up on the credit card would do to my sweet love (even if the savings are over 50% what they are around marathon booking time).
I'm feeling more like myself every day. Less sleepy. I didn't even take a nap two days in a row now. That must be progress. Thanks for all the love, care and prayers. I can feel them.