If you see me let me know because lately I feel like I can't find me. My thoughts are all over the place, I'm desiring to really set out some new goals and plans for myself and I just can't seem to get focused. And that is partly what has kept me from blogging lately because I feel like I don't even know where to begin. But I'm just going to jump off the ledge and ramble for a bit. If I seem to be drowning and you can't bear to watch feel free to come back another day and maybe I'll be more coherent.
A few years ago we went to a church in DC called Covenant Life. There were so many things about this body of believers that really inspired me but the most profound was their stance on family and the role of women in the home. It was so encouraging and affirming of exactly what I feel like I'm called to and I met many women there who I would desire to emulate both as a wife and a mom. I had dinner with some girlfriends recently and this church came up and as I talked about it I felt transported back to those feelings of inspiration and hope that I got whenever I walked through those doors. I came home and pulled out the folder I kept during my time there and I look forward to reading back through those notes and rediscovering some of those truths again.
While Ryan was gone on his latest adventure I was surfing the Internet one night and stumbled upon a story that continues to hold my attention weeks later. A young, beautiful woman who is deeply in love with her husband and with being mother to her four children was in a serious plane crash on August 16th. She received burns over 83% of her body and her husband was also badly burned. Her sisters, who are caring for her children while she remains in a medically induced coma in Arizona, are keeping her blog going as a means of fundraising, information sharing and to continue the inspiration that this woman, Stephanie Nielson, gave to so many. Whenever I have a few minutes to myself that I can indulge I slip into the world of Nie and let her love of her family and her domestic life sweep over me. She is a woman of deep faith and although our beliefs are not the same I know that she trusts Jesus Christ as her Savior and I pray for her deliverance.
All these things at a time when I was already feeling called to introspection and examining my motives and actions and wanting to sit down and figure out what is the legacy I want to leave. What do I want this family to stand for? What will be the memories my children have of this sweet time in our lives?
So, stay tuned if you care to. I'm sure this will be a slow and evolutionary process but its one I'm excited about. My start has been to drastically reduce TV time and the reward has been sweet. Even times like this morning which started at 5:30 I was able to withstand the temptation of flipping on the tube and was rewarded with a rousing game of hide and seek as I gulped my coffee. Also whole wheat chocolate chip pancakes are becoming a new speciality. I'm not sure how exactly they fit into the master plan, but I'm sure somehow they do.