Things I Never Thought I'd Say

I've realized that lately quite a few things have come out of my mouth that I probably never would have predicted a mere 4 years ago in my pre-motherhoodness.

- "Please don't pull on your brother's penis."
- "If you stick your lovie in your poop you won't be able to take a nap with it."
- "If you pee on the church playground again you are going to get a spanking."
- Closely related: "Do NOT pee in the sandbox again".
- "If you put your chocolate chips in your train she is going to eat them."
- "Please don't pick up Reid's head and drop it".
- "Please, please, please just let me sit and enjoy this bowl of cereal in silence."
- "Ainsley, the toilet is not a toy".

I'm sure there are more if I went further back but these are just my most recent vocalizations. Fun times. Fun times.

Um, I hate coming up with titles

It's 3:00pm and I haven't really eaten anything all day. I don't feel good but also its just not a priority because there is always so much to do. And that is my life. Its ridiculous.

Jake says the darndest things . . .

Heard lately from my adorable son:

Mom - "Jake, when it rains it pours."
Jake - "Its not raining outside, its sunshine time."

Jake - "Mom? Um, Momma, Um, Mommy, Um MOOOOM?"
Mom - "Yes Jake?"
Jake - "Have you seen Edward's Pretender?"
Explanations - its supposed to be called a Tender - its train lingo - but very cute

Jake - "Don't be scared Ainsley, its me, Jake!"
Explanation - Jake was wearing his Spider Man costume and Super Man cape when we went to get Ainsley up from her nap and didn't want her to be alarmed.

Jake - "I love you SOOOO much Mom."

And in the "silent but adorable" category: The other day I had Reid laying on Jake's bed while I got Jake dressed. Jake starts gathering all his Cars and Thomas trains and laying them next to Reid so that his little brother can play with them.

Is it bedtime yet?

No, its not bedtime. Its only 7:45 a.m. but I can't wait for bedtime already and the day has just begun. This is definitely not a good sign. Last night was so rough. One of those nights where I just wanted to throw myself down and kick and scream. Or where I felt like if I could have a private audience with God (which of course I can but this was in my sleep deprived state) the only thing I'd ask is why I can't get a break. Now, I know this is ridiculous and selfish and so narrow-minded but I'm not saying this was a theologically correct position, just my gut emotions at 1 a.m. when I realized it was going to be a bad night.
Yesterday evening was a blast - I invited to friends and their broods over from church (whose guys are also deployed) to join us for dinner. It was a gorgeous day outside and the kids (all 10 of them) had a great time as did their moms. However it was a typical get together in that by the time everyone rolled out of here each kid was in some form of meltdown. So I tossed the kids in the bath (they were too nasty dirty not to), shoved into pj's, swiped at their teeth with a toothbrush and threw them into bed. But as it turns out they were way too tired to sleep well. Ainsley took forever to go to bed and when I checked at her around 9 she just started to scream - which sends my blood pressure through the roof. Jake fell out of bed around 11:30 and when I dragged myself up to check on him he wanted some toy or something . . . I don't even remember. And by that point Reid had already been up twice and I couldn't figure out what his deal was. He continued to wake up off and on until I went to get him at 1 to see if I could nurse him and send him back to sleep but he was totally stuffedup and gassy and ugh!!!!!!!! I was so pissed just because I just wanted a good night of sleep. So around 1:30 I finally fell asleep. Reid woke up again at 4 and 5. Jake showed up in my room at 5:55 and Ainsley woke up a few minutes later, closely followed by Reid. When Jake comes early I make him lay with me and don't turn on the TV, this morning I realized something had been placed in my arms and I looked down and it was the remote control. That was kind of funny. But not enough to put me in a good mood.
So, here I am, 12 hours to go in my day (until I can put the kids to bed at least) and I don't know how I am going to do it. This is the part where I need to go get on my knees and beg the Lord to make His strength evident in my weakness.

Too Long

This is exactly the reason I've yet to decide if I'm going to share my blog with people I know (or don't know) or not . . . because its been over 3 weeks since I've written and I don't know where in the past 3 weeks I should have made time to write about the mundane events of my every day life. Right now my world is so small. I get up with my children, I care for them throughout the day, I cook, I clean, I dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair. I read books, kiss boo-boos and try to keep the house clean. But where is the fun an interest in that? Does anyone really want to read about that? At night I finally finish parenting at around 9pm, eat dinner, watch some Bravo on TV and then pass out dead asleep until Reid wakes me up to eat again.
Its an exhuasting life and the moment. Filled with joyful moments but not filled with much enjoyment . . . if that makes sense . . . and I hate to admit it but its true.
Yesterday should have been an ok day. It should have all gone smoothly but I was so angry and frustrated with my children (mostlyJake) by the time bedtime rolled around that I am still disgusted with myself. He was tired, he was disobedient and pushing my limits and I let him. I yelled and threatened and spanked in inappropriate ways. It was not good. And I ended the day feeling very alone and very much like a failure. Ryan called in the middle of it all and I was just so frustrated that our conversation didn't go well and he was trying to give me parenting advice over the phone which did NOT go over well with me. Its just that its so easy for him to advise me from across the ocean but when I'm in the trenches dealing with it I don't want his sage wisdom. I want to shove that Psy.D where the sun doesn't shine. But I love him, and he is right, he is always freakin' right.
Anyway, this blog is just going to go up for what it is with no editing or re-hashing. I think that is the only way I'll ever get this blog up.