IEP day has historically been one of my least favorite days of the year. Its a day where you go to your child's school, sit in a large meeting with many professionals who have all been testing and assessing your child, and hear all the things that are wrong with him.* I have NEVER made it through one of these meetings without crying.
For those of you not in the "know" IEP stands for Individualized Education Plan. When a child meets a certain number of criteria (such as an Autism diagnosis) they qualify for an IEP. School's do not just hand these things out willy-nilly as there is a LOT of work that goes into creating one, working towards meeting the goals laid out, measuring progress, etc. In evidence of this Jake's IEP is 17 pages long. And that is for a high functioning kid on the spectrum.
When Jake's IEP was first created 3 years ago I had no clue what kind of things I could/should ask for. There are books and websites to help parents know what to expect but at that point I was so flippin' overwhelmed that I actually had a "special needed kid" (that's what Jake calls the kids at his therapy center - as in "those special needed kids", present company excluded obviously!) that I didn't do much homework beforehand.
The first few pages of the IEP are an overview of Jake and results from the assessments that he has been given. There are four sections:
Communication
Health/Physical/Sensory
Social/Emotional/Adaptive Skills
Academics
Each section has sub points in which they lay out strengths, weaknesses, concerns, etc. For example Jake's Communication section has a sub section on his sensory concerns and how impacts his performance at school. When needs are identified it is noted that a goal needs to be set and the baseline from which he is starting.
Next there is a section for Accommodations/Modifications/Supplementary Aids that are made. Jake has none for reading, math or written language but he has a sensory accommodation that allows him to have a small manipulative item (toy, eraser, etc) to help him organize and focus. He also has a communication accommodation that Jake will restate directions to check for understanding. He also has an accommodation that he will sit on the end to give him space to move around as needed (i.e. he does not always have to be in his seat as long as he is on task). For this IEP we added a new accommodation that Jake will have the opportunity for additional sensory time when assignments are completed with 85% accuracy. This was in response to Jake's tendency to rush through his work with little regard for correctness in order to proceed to the next more desirable activity (that's fancy IEP talk, y'all will learn :)
Finally we come to the meat of the IEP which is the goals. Coming into this meeting Jake had one (!!!) goal on his IEP. Refer back to paragraph 2. This is a direct result of his mom having no clue what to do when I attended his first IEP meeting in 2011. True, there were six benchmarks under this goal but the main focus of his therapy at school was in his comprehension of spoken and written words. As a results of this goal and benchmarks Jake was then afforded (2) 30 minute special ed sessions per week and (1) 20 minute speech therapy.
In preparation for this upcoming meeting I contacted the amazing therapists at ACI (Autism Concepts) in Kansas City for help. They had reviewed Jake's IEP and kindly informed me it was "weak" and, of course, they worked with Jake on a regular basis so they were well informed as to his strengths and weaknesses. I was able to set up a conference call both with Nancy Champlin, who founded ACI and its 5 centers across the US, and Melissa who is the director of the KC campus. Below I'm going to bullet out some of the things we discussed going into the meeting:
1- The principal or school psychologist must be present. Always request that the district Autism Consultant attend the meeting as well.
2- When they run through the present level of performance it should be across all levels - both social and academic. This will dictate the number and type of goals that are set for Jake later in the IEP.
3 - Go into the meeting prepared to clearly state my ideas and goals for Jake.
- In addition to academic concerns this should also include "significant concerns with Jake being able to work independently and with a number of peers
- Social skills - Jake has such a deficit that he cannot initiate an maintain a conversation with both adults and peers. He also has issues with joining in ongoing play.
4 - The suggested that we be prepared to list 3 -5 core deficits that concerned us for Jake.
5 - When we are discussing concerns with something such as reading comprehension that we list out specifics such as 1 - when he is being read to, when he reads orally, when he reads silently.
6- We discusses our concerns about Jake's problem solving across school work and social activities.
7 - Nancy suggested that I push for no less than 8 goals. Jake must have social goals as part of his IEP because difficulty social abilities are a core deficit of autism.
8 - Nancy also suggested that I NOT include my concerns with Jake's handwriting because he is actively working on this at ACI and we wanted to stay big picture with his goals.
9 - For each goal insist that the measurement be either data collection or permanent work product - NOT observation. This was a BIG one.
10 - insist that goals be written to ensure that data collection is happening across the school day to include lunch, recess, art, music, etc - not just in the classroom.
***As an example here is a goal that I suggested at his IEP meeting. The wide eyed stares and frantic scribbling that followed would lead me to believe that this does not often happen.
- "Jake will independently initiate 4 part conversations within a 1 hour data collection period, across the school day with multiple peers on 4 out of 5 consecutive data collection days."
11- Do not say "best" when talking about what I want for Jake. They are not required to do what is "best" they are required to do what is in Jake's "interest".
12 - Overall goals need to say "independent" not "with prompts".
13 - They suggested that he should have no less than 3 goals for social skills.
- Initiate conversation with multiple peers across the school day utilizing appropriate body language, intonation, eye contact, etc
- Maintain the conversation
- Modify his behavior/speech based on verbal and nonverbal peer input
Going into the meeting with this information gave me a sense of confidence in what I was trying to accomplish. First of all I have to say every IEP meeting I've ever been in I'm always impressed with the caliber of professionals that are assembled. And they fact that they all have Jake's success as their goal. The meeting could not have gone better. The team was so receptive to my input and my concerns. Going in the IEP draft that was proposed had 2 goals. After my input we came out with 6 goals. Still a bit short of what Nancy wanted me to shoot for but obviously still a big win. As a result of the increased goals Jake went from 2 to 4 Special Ed sessions a week and 1 to 2 speech therapy sessions a week. Additionally Jake will receive inclusion special ed which means the special ed teacher will come to the classroom during math and work with him in his own environment. For the first time in 4 years I feel confident that we have an IEP that is actively doing everything possible to ensure Jake succeeds.
*There is a definite flip side to all of that which is how AMAZING it is to be surrounded by intelligent professionals who have all been testing and assessing your child and who love him and want the very best for him, as you do. But it didn't flow with this blog post so I put it here at the end. Every single time I had to go to a meeting there was always laughter amid the tears as we shared stories about how precious Jake is and the many ways he steals everyone's hearts.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Stream of Consciousness Blogging ...
A peak into the mind of Lacey. Its a dangerous and scary thing.
Any kid that comes over to my house to play with Jake is guaranteed a good time. As the mom of an autistic kid who has trouble making friends I covet playdates. So, should your kid show up at my door and want to play with mine I am going to give your kid anything they want. If they want homemade ice cream I will go to the store, buy whipping cream and a churn and crank that thing until my arm falls off if it keeps your kid happy and playing at my house.
In fact, moving away from all the awesome kids in our neighborhood is the thing I'm going to miss the very most about Fort Leavenworth besides missing my own friends. I love a Sunday afternoon where there is total pandemonium in my house with kids running around laughing and yelling. I love that there are no playdate arrangements that need to be made for that to happen. Kids just show up. I got up from my nap today to find we'd gained two kids and lost Reid for the afternoon (a totally fair trade, I might add). I love it.
And I'm sad for Jake who is going to be leaving behind some of the first real friends he has ever had. I'm sad for all my kids to leave their friends but its going to be the hardest for Jake. The other kids will make friends anywhere. Ainsley could be friends with a stick. Reid can be friends with any kid that likes animals and weapons. Jane Dare has a scary ability to make friends and influence people. That girl makes me nervous, if you catch my drift. I don't actually catch my drift, so if you understand what I'm thinking could you let me know? Thanks.
But for Jake, I'm sad. Do you think his buddy's parents would notice if I kidnapped their son and brought him to NC? They are moving to Germany so maybe I can convince them he wants to be an exchange student and live with us.
Moving on. My girls are still convinced I'm very injured because I still have stitches in and have to ice my knee. I receive get well cards on a regular basis. I need to figure out how to milk this more efficiently.
My neighbors across the street just got a puppy. Talk about best possible situation for me! My kids can go love it and squeeze it and play with it and then when they lose interest, as all kids do, we can leave and I don't have do anything else. Thank you H family! Does it bother anyone else as much as me when people say that their dog is potty trained? I seriously doubt that your dog does, in fact, use the commode. Why is it so hard to say house trained? Or yard trained, more appropriately! Now there is even a Barbie with a dog that poops (GROSS!!!) and its called Potty Trainin' Barbie or something like that. I knew that the Mattel people were kind of dumb but it amazes me that something that ridiculous made it to market with that stupid name. They and the people who made the Doggie Doo Doo board game should all be shot.
Any kid that comes over to my house to play with Jake is guaranteed a good time. As the mom of an autistic kid who has trouble making friends I covet playdates. So, should your kid show up at my door and want to play with mine I am going to give your kid anything they want. If they want homemade ice cream I will go to the store, buy whipping cream and a churn and crank that thing until my arm falls off if it keeps your kid happy and playing at my house.
In fact, moving away from all the awesome kids in our neighborhood is the thing I'm going to miss the very most about Fort Leavenworth besides missing my own friends. I love a Sunday afternoon where there is total pandemonium in my house with kids running around laughing and yelling. I love that there are no playdate arrangements that need to be made for that to happen. Kids just show up. I got up from my nap today to find we'd gained two kids and lost Reid for the afternoon (a totally fair trade, I might add). I love it.
And I'm sad for Jake who is going to be leaving behind some of the first real friends he has ever had. I'm sad for all my kids to leave their friends but its going to be the hardest for Jake. The other kids will make friends anywhere. Ainsley could be friends with a stick. Reid can be friends with any kid that likes animals and weapons. Jane Dare has a scary ability to make friends and influence people. That girl makes me nervous, if you catch my drift. I don't actually catch my drift, so if you understand what I'm thinking could you let me know? Thanks.
But for Jake, I'm sad. Do you think his buddy's parents would notice if I kidnapped their son and brought him to NC? They are moving to Germany so maybe I can convince them he wants to be an exchange student and live with us.
Moving on. My girls are still convinced I'm very injured because I still have stitches in and have to ice my knee. I receive get well cards on a regular basis. I need to figure out how to milk this more efficiently.
My neighbors across the street just got a puppy. Talk about best possible situation for me! My kids can go love it and squeeze it and play with it and then when they lose interest, as all kids do, we can leave and I don't have do anything else. Thank you H family! Does it bother anyone else as much as me when people say that their dog is potty trained? I seriously doubt that your dog does, in fact, use the commode. Why is it so hard to say house trained? Or yard trained, more appropriately! Now there is even a Barbie with a dog that poops (GROSS!!!) and its called Potty Trainin' Barbie or something like that. I knew that the Mattel people were kind of dumb but it amazes me that something that ridiculous made it to market with that stupid name. They and the people who made the Doggie Doo Doo board game should all be shot.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Knee Update
Its been exactly one month since I hurt my knee. If I was a professional athlete I would have had an MRI that same day and surgery the next. Unfortunately I'm no where near that level of importance and so after 1 month and 3 visits to the doctor I've finally been able to get scheduled for surgery ... in 3 weeks. GAH!
That leaves me in a very restless and unhappy spot. I miss running. I'm doing the best I can with swimming, biking and ellipticating but they are decidedly inferior for giving me my runner's high. I'm so cranky. I feel really badly for my family right now.
This state of waiting is the absolute worst. I'm not getting better, I'm just getting slower day by day.
My surgery will be 2 months and 9 days before Boston. I have no idea what kind of shape I will be able to achieve between surgery day and race day. And I still have the nagging fear that my left knee that was bothering me in the first place before my right meniscus tore, won't cooperate after all is said and done.
That leaves me in a very restless and unhappy spot. I miss running. I'm doing the best I can with swimming, biking and ellipticating but they are decidedly inferior for giving me my runner's high. I'm so cranky. I feel really badly for my family right now.
This state of waiting is the absolute worst. I'm not getting better, I'm just getting slower day by day.
My surgery will be 2 months and 9 days before Boston. I have no idea what kind of shape I will be able to achieve between surgery day and race day. And I still have the nagging fear that my left knee that was bothering me in the first place before my right meniscus tore, won't cooperate after all is said and done.
Monday, January 13, 2014
A Festivus Miracle
My phone rang this morning while I was at the gym.
It was the kids school.
When I heard Reid's teachers voice I was a little nervous. We had less than a pleasant morning at Casa T and Reid was, as usual, a major player in the drama. I was fairly certain she was calling to announce an unprecedented case of expelling a kindergartner from school.
Imagine my shock when I heard the excited voice of his teacher saying "Mrs T, I had to call you because we've had the Festivus miracle that we had hoped for." Let me explain.
The last time that I blogged about Reid it was to make the announcement that I was going to homeschool him this year. I didn't really want to come back on my blog and make the announcement with my tail between my legs that I was too much of a weakling and I'd changed my mind. When we got to Kansas and the reality of homeschooling was upon me I jumped on the opportunity to enroll him in the half-day kindergarten program here like a drowning woman grabs for a light life raft.
It was a lot of mental justification exercises that I went through to make that decision but I'll spare you those right now. At no point since then have I been entirely sure that I made the right or the wrong decision. The year had a very rough start academically and behaviorally for Reid. While he has made huge gains in his behavior and some gains in his academics, reading has still been an insurmountable obstacle for him.
His teacher has been absolutely awesome in her unwavering determination to help Reid succeed at school. During our many conversations and conferences she remained hopeful that he could, in fact, learn. She assured with me that she had seen it happen before that a kindergartner would come back after Christmas break and it was as if the light switch went on- something she called the Festivus miracle (and thanks to my love of Seinfeld I needed no explanation). I too was hopeful but wasn't holding my breathe. Just this morning as we were driving to school he informed me that he knew how to spell DVD. He paused repeated d, v, d carefully enunciating each letter and then waited for me to applaud his intelligence. You can see why I might've been less than optimistic about his prospects. But then came that phone call to tell me that Reid had earned a spot in her Guided Reading group - something he has wanted all year long!
I totally started crying right there by the pull up machine. Between that and my performance last week when I hurt my knee (also by the pull-up machine) I'm sure my fellow gym goers are starting to get a little freaked out by my emotional outbursts that seem to be brought on my that particular exercise!
So, yay! There is a Reid update.
And a final note that Reid was absolutely spoiled last week with a special package that had shark toys, shark candies and an awesome shark book - yes, he LOVES sharks - as a get well gift after his surgery. That boy felt like the king of the world to have all that attention and love showered on him by a very special family! Thank you Haas family!
It was the kids school.
When I heard Reid's teachers voice I was a little nervous. We had less than a pleasant morning at Casa T and Reid was, as usual, a major player in the drama. I was fairly certain she was calling to announce an unprecedented case of expelling a kindergartner from school.
Imagine my shock when I heard the excited voice of his teacher saying "Mrs T, I had to call you because we've had the Festivus miracle that we had hoped for." Let me explain.
The last time that I blogged about Reid it was to make the announcement that I was going to homeschool him this year. I didn't really want to come back on my blog and make the announcement with my tail between my legs that I was too much of a weakling and I'd changed my mind. When we got to Kansas and the reality of homeschooling was upon me I jumped on the opportunity to enroll him in the half-day kindergarten program here like a drowning woman grabs for a light life raft.
It was a lot of mental justification exercises that I went through to make that decision but I'll spare you those right now. At no point since then have I been entirely sure that I made the right or the wrong decision. The year had a very rough start academically and behaviorally for Reid. While he has made huge gains in his behavior and some gains in his academics, reading has still been an insurmountable obstacle for him.
His teacher has been absolutely awesome in her unwavering determination to help Reid succeed at school. During our many conversations and conferences she remained hopeful that he could, in fact, learn. She assured with me that she had seen it happen before that a kindergartner would come back after Christmas break and it was as if the light switch went on- something she called the Festivus miracle (and thanks to my love of Seinfeld I needed no explanation). I too was hopeful but wasn't holding my breathe. Just this morning as we were driving to school he informed me that he knew how to spell DVD. He paused repeated d, v, d carefully enunciating each letter and then waited for me to applaud his intelligence. You can see why I might've been less than optimistic about his prospects. But then came that phone call to tell me that Reid had earned a spot in her Guided Reading group - something he has wanted all year long!
I totally started crying right there by the pull up machine. Between that and my performance last week when I hurt my knee (also by the pull-up machine) I'm sure my fellow gym goers are starting to get a little freaked out by my emotional outbursts that seem to be brought on my that particular exercise!
So, yay! There is a Reid update.
And a final note that Reid was absolutely spoiled last week with a special package that had shark toys, shark candies and an awesome shark book - yes, he LOVES sharks - as a get well gift after his surgery. That boy felt like the king of the world to have all that attention and love showered on him by a very special family! Thank you Haas family!
Sunday, January 5, 2014
The Knee
I wish this would fix it. A band-aid and a kiss and the boo-boo is all better.
Its been 10 days now and things aren't going well. I tried to run a few days ago and made it about a half mile before I limped home. The next day I went to the gym and in the process of jumping up on the bar to do pullups I tweaked it so badly I saw stars. I'm trying not to imagine what the people around me were thinking as I doubled up in pain from something as innocent as jumping.
That afternoon I saw a new provider - a PA actually - who took me much more seriously than the doc I saw my first time out. Maybe it was the fact that I cried when he examined my knee because the manipulating and tests hurt so badly, whatever it was, its a relief to be making progress. Slow progress but at least we are moving in the right direction.
Amusingly enough I was at the Ortho to finish up a third injection, on my left knee, of a product called uflexa. Its a new, cool product that lubricates the joints to help them glide better. What's amusing is that its my right knee that's hurt.
Considering the amount of hours put into training during marathon season I've had some extra time on my hands lately to think. Sometimes that is good and sometimes that is dangerous. I go back and forth - from being angry that I'm dealing with knee issues once again, to rationalizing that its not really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of life. I mean, I run because I like it. I don't depend on it for my livelihood. I wasn't preparing to knock over any records or win any cool awards. In fact, I remember pretty clearly having a conversation with myself during training last year to the effect that if I ran under 3:20 at Boston I would be happy with that as an all-time marathon PR. Of course, then I ran that 3:19 and wondered if I could go faster.
Probably. But do I need to? What will be required in sacrifice for that faster time? Time with my family and friends. Am I going to be a world class athlete at the age of 35? Nope. And just because you can do something does that mean you should? These are the very ambivalent feelings I've been having through the past couple months leading up to training. Its funny that all that time I spent thinking I needed to make a big decision about how I would approach my training this round and now it probably doesn't matter ... the decision isn't likely to be one I will get to make.
Friday, January 3, 2014
These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things
Right now I'm loving a few things and I can't keep it all to myself!
First off is Fabletics! A couple of months ago my friend Joan mentioned a company that she had fallen in love with - and in the same breathe she mentioned lululemon. So I knew that she knew what she was talking about and that she was serious! I did a little research and figured out how the company works. The gist is that you sign up as a VIP (free) and that entitles you to an adorable workout outfit each month at a big discount. At first I was put off by the idea of that many new outfits (and the committment) but then realized there was no obligation and you can easily skip any month for as many months as you wish. And you can cancel at any time. So with little to fear I made my first order last month. I chose an outfit with running tights and a cute jacket with a herrignbone pattern. When my package arrived in the mail I pulled it out and was thrilled. The fabric on the pants felt amazing! Every bit as luxurious as any lulu I've tried on. I was so excited I put my outfit on and ran over to my neighbor Cym's house so she could see it too! Then I took a picture (cuz I'm dorky like that):
The pants I chose have this awesome snake skin print that is subtle but makes them have a cool twist. I wore this outfit 3 workouts in a row I like it so much (sure, it smelled a little bit by day three but I was adorable!). All of the sudden a monthly subscription seemed like a great idea! I can't wait for my January outfit to arrive! Oh, and did I mention the best part - this outfit cost me $30!!!!! Yup, for the price of a headband at lululemon I got an entire outfit. Granted that's a first outfit only deal but still - worth it even if you only get one outfit and then quit!
If you are interested do me a huge favor and use this link because I do get credit for anyone who signs up (but honestly, that isn't why I'm sharing - I'm sharing because this stuff is flippin' awesome). http://www.fabletics.com/invite/22341521/
Next up is Sorel boots! O.M.G. I love these boots. I had some major sticker shock when I first started looking into boots that would get me through this year in Kansas. Finally I decided to suck it up and go with something quality and I ordered these boots: http://www.sorel.com/womens-tofino-boot-LL1846.html. I loved these at first touch but sadly I listened to the online reviews and ordered a half size up. Alas they were too big. And with a big snow storm bearing down on Kansas I didn't have time to exchange them so my sweet husband got these for me at REI. I love them. They are cozy, cute and comfortable. The first day I wore them after we got 6 inches of snow and the high was 22 degrees - my feet stayed warm the whole time. They were worth every penny!
Next up is lemon oil. I've kinda been singing the praises of lemon oil for a long time and often noting that its great on the skin to clear up acne. Well, as someone who has struggled with my complexion since the age of 13 you would think I'd have jumped right on it long ago. Instead I took my sweet time getting around to it. But now that I've started I'm hooked. My complexion has never looked this good for this long of a time. Period. And the only thing I'm doing is washing it with the same Neutrogena scrub as always and then using lemon oil on it. I'm beyond thrilled with the results.
Finally, I got these cute little suckers at Crate and Barrel to go with my Christmas table decor. I love how it turned out so much I can't put them away with the rest of my Christmas decorations! They make me smile. My mom even asked me to order her some when they went on clearance after Christmas so I took advantage of that to get a couple more for myself. They are paired with glitter branches that the kids and I made, paperwhite bulbs sprouted in mason jars, white candles and little white bottle brush Christmas trees from Garnet Hill. Sigh. I love it. Since its all white and glitter I think I can get away with it as a winter theme for a couple more weeks!
First off is Fabletics! A couple of months ago my friend Joan mentioned a company that she had fallen in love with - and in the same breathe she mentioned lululemon. So I knew that she knew what she was talking about and that she was serious! I did a little research and figured out how the company works. The gist is that you sign up as a VIP (free) and that entitles you to an adorable workout outfit each month at a big discount. At first I was put off by the idea of that many new outfits (and the committment) but then realized there was no obligation and you can easily skip any month for as many months as you wish. And you can cancel at any time. So with little to fear I made my first order last month. I chose an outfit with running tights and a cute jacket with a herrignbone pattern. When my package arrived in the mail I pulled it out and was thrilled. The fabric on the pants felt amazing! Every bit as luxurious as any lulu I've tried on. I was so excited I put my outfit on and ran over to my neighbor Cym's house so she could see it too! Then I took a picture (cuz I'm dorky like that):
The pants I chose have this awesome snake skin print that is subtle but makes them have a cool twist. I wore this outfit 3 workouts in a row I like it so much (sure, it smelled a little bit by day three but I was adorable!). All of the sudden a monthly subscription seemed like a great idea! I can't wait for my January outfit to arrive! Oh, and did I mention the best part - this outfit cost me $30!!!!! Yup, for the price of a headband at lululemon I got an entire outfit. Granted that's a first outfit only deal but still - worth it even if you only get one outfit and then quit!
If you are interested do me a huge favor and use this link because I do get credit for anyone who signs up (but honestly, that isn't why I'm sharing - I'm sharing because this stuff is flippin' awesome). http://www.fabletics.com/invite/22341521/
Next up is Sorel boots! O.M.G. I love these boots. I had some major sticker shock when I first started looking into boots that would get me through this year in Kansas. Finally I decided to suck it up and go with something quality and I ordered these boots: http://www.sorel.com/womens-tofino-boot-LL1846.html. I loved these at first touch but sadly I listened to the online reviews and ordered a half size up. Alas they were too big. And with a big snow storm bearing down on Kansas I didn't have time to exchange them so my sweet husband got these for me at REI. I love them. They are cozy, cute and comfortable. The first day I wore them after we got 6 inches of snow and the high was 22 degrees - my feet stayed warm the whole time. They were worth every penny!
Next up is lemon oil. I've kinda been singing the praises of lemon oil for a long time and often noting that its great on the skin to clear up acne. Well, as someone who has struggled with my complexion since the age of 13 you would think I'd have jumped right on it long ago. Instead I took my sweet time getting around to it. But now that I've started I'm hooked. My complexion has never looked this good for this long of a time. Period. And the only thing I'm doing is washing it with the same Neutrogena scrub as always and then using lemon oil on it. I'm beyond thrilled with the results.
Finally, I got these cute little suckers at Crate and Barrel to go with my Christmas table decor. I love how it turned out so much I can't put them away with the rest of my Christmas decorations! They make me smile. My mom even asked me to order her some when they went on clearance after Christmas so I took advantage of that to get a couple more for myself. They are paired with glitter branches that the kids and I made, paperwhite bulbs sprouted in mason jars, white candles and little white bottle brush Christmas trees from Garnet Hill. Sigh. I love it. Since its all white and glitter I think I can get away with it as a winter theme for a couple more weeks!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
The Cliche New Years Day Post
I don't really do New Year resolutions.* In life I'm generally an optimist but something about making a list of difficult to achieve goals and then setting out to reach them in the middle of cold, often dreary, January brings out the pessimist in me (or as my husband would say, the "realist").
This year I'm going to make a compromise and go with an (admittedly) cop-out of a resolution.** Something along the lines of "this year I will love myself/accept myself/not criticize myself more". But seriously, sometimes I beat myself up about the things I am not good at for little reason more than that my lacking in certain areas makes my life less of the storybook ideal life I'm sold by the world around me.
Are you still with me? Or have I lost you? Let me try to explain a little bit more.
I've always been a person that has a few precious friends rather than many good friends. Those friends that are dear are the ones who accept and love the things I'm good at and forgive or overlook the things I'm not.
I'm good at:
1- Being loyal. I love my people fiercely and will defend them often regardless if they are wrong or right.
2 - I'm funny. I love to laugh and to make people laugh with me.
3 - I'm friendly. I love to be with people - to enjoy the company of just being together. I love to learn more about others and connect with them on common grounds.
I'm not good at:
1 - Phone calls. Making phone calls, returning phone calls, listening to voice mails. I am not a phone person.
2 - Listening. I get easily distracted. If there is anything else at all going on it difficult for me to concentrate and hear what someone is trying to tell me.
3 - Jealousy (or rather I am good at jealousy, unfortunately). I often get that sting of jealousy and I let myself do things/say things/ manipulate things in a way that isn't helpful or kind.
The fact that I suck at keeping in touch on the phone means that many of my old friendships drop away after time. But there is little I can probably do to change that. And so I need to accept that and not feel disheartened when I see FB pictures of old friends that are still close after all this time. Its ok. I need to be ok with that.
The fact that I get jealous means that I probably am not meant to be part of a large group of friends. There is a group of girls from our last post who are very, very close and are always up to something fun and (at least to the FB world) glamorous. Every time I have the evidence of this group's closeness put in my face on FB I feel sad and rejected. But in reality I don't fit in there. My world isn't my friends. I love my friends, I'd do anything for my friends, but my world is my family. This is right and this is good and I need to accept that and the fact that especially because of number 1 and 3 in my "not good at column" above I won't ever be part of a group of girls like that.
I want to find peace and joy in the friends God has blessed me with in this life. The fact that I still maintain a handful of best friends even though I'm cussin' awful at phone stuff. Friends that appreciate my loyalty and love and my awesome sense of humor ;)
And if you're reading this thank you for being a friend to me wherever you fit in on the friend spectrum. Bosom buddy, old pal, new acquaintance, dedicated workout pal, sweet neighbor or random person that friended me once on fb and now doesn't know how to get rid of me. Thank you. And may you also find peace and joy in this life you've been given in 2014.
*Maybe my resolutions should be going back to English class and studying punctuations and possessives. Is it new year's resolutions? New Years' resolutions? New Years's resolutions (kidding on that one).
**Ok fine, I'll admit it. I also want to cut sugar out of my diet and be on Facebook less. Dangit I didn't escape the resolutions' siren call. Oh, and I want to blog more. I hear that to be a successful blogger you need to have great pictures so here is a random picture that has nothing to do with the above blog post to send you on your merry way. Look at this sweet Christmas morning hair.
This year I'm going to make a compromise and go with an (admittedly) cop-out of a resolution.** Something along the lines of "this year I will love myself/accept myself/not criticize myself more". But seriously, sometimes I beat myself up about the things I am not good at for little reason more than that my lacking in certain areas makes my life less of the storybook ideal life I'm sold by the world around me.
Are you still with me? Or have I lost you? Let me try to explain a little bit more.
I've always been a person that has a few precious friends rather than many good friends. Those friends that are dear are the ones who accept and love the things I'm good at and forgive or overlook the things I'm not.
I'm good at:
1- Being loyal. I love my people fiercely and will defend them often regardless if they are wrong or right.
2 - I'm funny. I love to laugh and to make people laugh with me.
3 - I'm friendly. I love to be with people - to enjoy the company of just being together. I love to learn more about others and connect with them on common grounds.
I'm not good at:
1 - Phone calls. Making phone calls, returning phone calls, listening to voice mails. I am not a phone person.
2 - Listening. I get easily distracted. If there is anything else at all going on it difficult for me to concentrate and hear what someone is trying to tell me.
3 - Jealousy (or rather I am good at jealousy, unfortunately). I often get that sting of jealousy and I let myself do things/say things/ manipulate things in a way that isn't helpful or kind.
The fact that I suck at keeping in touch on the phone means that many of my old friendships drop away after time. But there is little I can probably do to change that. And so I need to accept that and not feel disheartened when I see FB pictures of old friends that are still close after all this time. Its ok. I need to be ok with that.
The fact that I get jealous means that I probably am not meant to be part of a large group of friends. There is a group of girls from our last post who are very, very close and are always up to something fun and (at least to the FB world) glamorous. Every time I have the evidence of this group's closeness put in my face on FB I feel sad and rejected. But in reality I don't fit in there. My world isn't my friends. I love my friends, I'd do anything for my friends, but my world is my family. This is right and this is good and I need to accept that and the fact that especially because of number 1 and 3 in my "not good at column" above I won't ever be part of a group of girls like that.
I want to find peace and joy in the friends God has blessed me with in this life. The fact that I still maintain a handful of best friends even though I'm cussin' awful at phone stuff. Friends that appreciate my loyalty and love and my awesome sense of humor ;)
And if you're reading this thank you for being a friend to me wherever you fit in on the friend spectrum. Bosom buddy, old pal, new acquaintance, dedicated workout pal, sweet neighbor or random person that friended me once on fb and now doesn't know how to get rid of me. Thank you. And may you also find peace and joy in this life you've been given in 2014.
*Maybe my resolutions should be going back to English class and studying punctuations and possessives. Is it new year's resolutions? New Years' resolutions? New Years's resolutions (kidding on that one).
**Ok fine, I'll admit it. I also want to cut sugar out of my diet and be on Facebook less. Dangit I didn't escape the resolutions' siren call. Oh, and I want to blog more. I hear that to be a successful blogger you need to have great pictures so here is a random picture that has nothing to do with the above blog post to send you on your merry way. Look at this sweet Christmas morning hair.
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