Why I Think It's Ok To Unfriend

 “Love yourself enough to walk into only the rooms and situations that show care and love for you.  Love yourself enough to walk out of the rooms that harm you in any way”.  Cleo Wade

The last 6 months have been very eye opening to me as I try to walk the line between preservation of my sanity and the maintenance of the  relationships I’ve cultivated in my 46 years on this earth.  Good, bad or indifferent, the advent of social media has allowed me to be in touch with hundreds of people who would no longer be a part of my life without it.  

During this time, I’ve really had to dig in and sift through the difference in tolerating the different opinions of people who I love and am actively in community with while, on the other side, granting myself permission to sever ties to old acquaintances with whom my only link is that we went to the same school 25 or 30 years ago, but who’s current viewpoints bring me sadness and make my heart heavy.  

For example, as a military spouse in relative proximity to a huge installation, a number of my friends are very much on the far right side of the political aisle.  Do I agree with them?  Often, no.  But am I able to separate those views from the relationship and see that my life is richer from having that friend in it?  Yes.  For me, the effort is worth it.

But let’s go back two my hallmate from college, with whom I didn’t really get along with back in the day, and whom I have almost nothing in common with now.  When she posts anti-moderate/left propaganda that is, at best, uneducated, and, at worst, slander, I think it’s ok to examine that “relationship’.  I don’t think it makes me intolerant to make the following assessment;

• I’ve not spoken to this person in 24.5 years

• They do not interact with me whatsoever on social media

• The majority of the things they post make me sad for one reason or another 

• Therefore, removing them from my “friends” list is not mean spirited or intolerant, rather, as expressed in the above quote, I’m loving myself enough to walk out of a room that harms me.

I realize that not everyone feels this way.  In fact, it’s funny because only in recent years, and with the help of both my therapist and my live-in mental health expert, have I come to label why it is that I feel SO deeply and and I hurt SO much when there is pain and suffering going around me.  I don’t know that I could have even given the definition of the word “empath” until one day it smacked me in the face that I AM one.  

I won’t lie, there are times that I would give anything NOT to be an empath.  It can be exhausting.  Sometimes I just want to turn down the volume on my feelings and the feelings of others for a little bit of peace.  And yet, I also know that this is part of what makes me unique.  

I wish I was better at letting things roll off my back!  I’ll be honest, over a month later and I’m still pissed about a stupid “Gulf of America” meme that rolled across my feed, posted by someone that honestly doesn’t know any better.  Should I still be thinking about that?  Absolutely not.  But does it change the face that I am?  No.

So,  yeah, I’m going to continue to do some editing here and there.  Not with the intention of hurting anyone’s feelings, but with the knowledge that what is happening in the world right now is too big for me to handle. Too much for my heart.  And so I’ll sleep well at night knowing that my motivations were pure, when I occasionally hit that “remove friend” button.