Disenchanted

Lately I feel disenchanted. I love using this word even though it doesn't represent very positive feelings or emotions - it actually makes me feel a little less disenchanted. But then I begin to ruminate on life again and, whoops, there it is . . . disenchanted.

What is it causing me to feel so blah. I mean, I have on official friend now (see comment on my Observations blog), Ryan is home (for now), the kids are finally adjusting . . .

But then there are those last 5 pounds of pregnancy weight I can't get off now matter how much I run (or how many chocolate chip cookies I eat. Oh, wait.), the fact that I occasionally feel like I'm in junior high again when I'm trying to make a connection with other moms, Jane Dare's new pattern of waking multiple times at night, but mostly I know it has to do with the spiritual environment in my home. Or lack thereof.

I've become so lazy in making time with the Father a priority. I've let family worship time become a distant memory. I'm not being purposeful in my parenting, discipline, and homemaking. And rather than feeling motivated and excited to turn over a new leaf and start over I feel discouraged because I don't want to fail again. Jake is 5 - these days with him are precious and he'll never be so impressionable again. I feel like if I (we) screw up again we may never recover those lost opportunities.

Where does all this leave me? I don't know. I got up early this morning to try again in spending time in prayer and the Word. I got in about 10 minutes before Jane Dare and then Reid woke up. But its a start. I ordered some resources on the Internet last night and I'm excited to see how all those goes. And most importantly my wonderful husband and I are communicating on working together on this. What a blessing. So, I'll keep you posted. And in the meantime a few of you may be getting a tap on the shoulder requesting some accountability help. I sure need it.

How on earth could anyone NOT want to be around this guy?

He always smells like pancake syrup, he gives big kisses right on the lips on demand & he calls milk "miltch". Who could possibly resist that kind of cuteness?

Apparently, his brother, that's who:

(In case you are having difficulty seeing the picture hanging on Jake and Ainsley's door this is a picture of Reid (complete with pacifier) with a circle and line drawn through it).

Observations

- I lived in this house for well over a month before I realized that the little light/fan combos in the bathrooms actually blew hot air out of them when you hit a certain switch. Fantastic feature but it would've been helpful to know this through frigid December and January.

- I also lived here a month before I realized I didn't have a house key. I still don't have one.

- Do you know how many times I have read the book about the 10 little ladybugs without realizing that when "along came a (fill in the blank animal) and then there were (one less ladybug)" that this book is actually talking about the sweet ladybugs being eaten!!!!!! And I'm reading this to my 2 year old? Poor ladybugs - using their untimely demise to teach my kid how to count.

- I need to hurry up and get out all of my snarky comments about a few people I've met around here before my blog gets out there. Right now I have no friends so not much danger of anyone discovering it via my facebook page, etc.

- When we go to Walmart its always busy but as Ryan noted "we have a distinct advantage over all the other patrons because we aren't pulling our oxygen tanks behind us".

- My master bedroom is so frickity-frackin cold that I am never in here unless necessary. Right now two kids are napping and the other two are up in the play room watching a movie so I deem this necessary.

- Ryan and I had a small skirmish this morning. He called this afternoon to apologize and I laughed when we hung up thinking if he'd just called 45 minutes earlier he could've saved himself a lot of money. I excel at retail therapy.

- I have to keep reminding myself of all the painful experiences I had in C-ville before I actually made friends. Like that time I went to PWOC. Or my first time to MOMS Club. Just give it time, just give it time.

- Why in the heck is Jake upstairs screaming so loudly - what is the point of letting them watch a movie if he is going to scream. There is the end of Reid's nap.