Savannah River Bridge Run - RR

I've come to a major realization that on my blog I have two types of posts.  Posts about running and posts about everything else.  It was a seminal moment for me.

This weekend I ran in a race down in Savannah called .... The Savannah River Bridge Run.  Its a really nicely run race that consists of a 5k, a 10k and what's called the Double Pump.  I did the Double Pump.  That means I ran the 5k and then turned around and ran the 10k a few minutes later.  That comes out to a 15k (I'm really good at math) which is 9.3 miles.

Before we go much farther let me make a couple disclaimers.  First - if you don't like reading about running, race strategy and my monthly cycle then stop reading now.  Second - if you don't like excuses and whining you should also take a moment and excuse yourself from this post.

This was a hard race to mentally prepare for.  I've run one 5K race since my cross country days in junior high and I've never done anything like the Double Pump.  Initially my plan was to try and PR the 5k.  A PR would be anything less than 19.49 but I decided a 19.30 would be nice.  That comes out to a 6.16 pace, which is tough but doable.  Then I thought I’d just hang on for the 10K and run it as fast as a could.

Unfortunately I thought a lot about everything except for the BLEEPING bridge.  The bridge that you run over once in the 5k and twice in the 10k.  The bridge that is a 5.5% grade and a ¾ of a mile long climb.  Yep, that bridge.

My pace for the first mile of the 5k was 6.16.  Dead on.  My pace for the last mile was 6.16.  Perfect.  My pace for the middle mile that included that flipping bridge was 6.59.  CRAP!

Now for another side note that will delve more into excuse territory.  I lined up too late for this race and had about 50 people in front of me at the start.  While this is not a big deal in a marathon it is a really big deal in a 5k where every second counts.  Unfortunately I totally screwed myself by doing this because I spent the first minute weaving in and out and trying to get up to speed.  That certainly hurt my time.  Next is the big one.  My shoe.  It came untied at mile 2.1.  I made the decision not to stop and just to run and pray it wouldn’t fly off our trip me.  It did neither but it certainly did not help anything.  I was so ticked at myself for not double checking that it was knotted properly.  And finally, I started my period the morning of the race.  Enough said about that.

I finished the 5k right around 20.30 and felt thoroughly discouraged.  So I spent the next 19.30 minutes justifying to myself taking it easy on the 10k since I was sure I was out of placing at that point.  When it came time to line up I just picked a spot near the middle and chatted with my friend Nikki until the gun went off.  At which point I realized it had been a big mistake to stop moving after the 5k.  My legs felt like lead.  When they started to loosen up I again found myself having to weave through hoards of people in order to try to run at my own pace.  I’m sure my first mile pace was well over 8 minutes just because I kept on getting stuck behind people on tight turns. 

The 10k was where I really just let go mentally.  Taking on the bridge two more times absolutely sucked and I knew my pace was horrible.   It wasn’t until the last mile that I finally got serious about running again and kicked it in as hard as I could.

So, it wasn’t a great day and that’s all find and dandy until you look at the results and realize you missed 1^st place in your age group by ONE second and missed placing overall by 15 seconds.  I have no doubt that had I lined up at the front in both races I would have placed overall.  I’m sure that sounds arrogant but I don’t mean it like that.  I’m just so frustrated with myself for not staying focused on making smart decisions.  And for giving up without knowing how close in it I was. 

There were definitely things out of my control – like the shoe – but my brain is always in control and its my lack of mental toughness that I am most regretting right now.

The good news is that I am committed to taking this and making it a learning experience. I don’t want to have a other race where I give up and then realize how close I could have been to placing. 

Anyone else out there had a similar experience?  

Yes. Just yes.

The other day my friend Molly posted this to facebook:
American Parenting is Killing Marriage

Go ahead and read it, I'll wait.

To this whole article I want to yell "YES!".

If you come to my house and ask my children who Mommy loves best they (should) all tell you the same thing.  Daddy.  He is who mommy loves best.

I didn't always have this perspective.  Back when Jake was first born I was overwhelmed with love for him and the maternal instincts that sprang up in me seemingly at the moment of his birth.  I remember trying to talk to Ryan about my love for Jake and how indescribable it was.  What happened next is something I will never forget.  He took my hands and said, "I love Jake too, so much more than I could have imagined.  But YOU are the one whom I love the most."

At first I was shocked.  What kind of monster had I married?  How could he not love our precious child above all else.

Wow, was I ever wrong.

Ryan is my partner for life.  He is my Always.  My Forever.  My children are my Now and then one day I will give them away to their Always.

Does this mean my kids feel insecure or unloved?  No! It means that my children are able to rest in complete safety and peace regarding our family.  They know that I love them so much that my heart feels like it will burst but that my loyalty and my heart belongs to their dad.  My children, I pray, will not feel the burden and weight of being the one whom I love most.  They will, instead, get to rest in the security of that love resting on their dad's strong, capable shoulders.  They will know that while our family may, from time to time, be shaken it won't break.

And one day, when my kids are grown and (hopefully) embarking on life's journey with their own Always they will rest easy knowing that their parents are happy and content with the One that we have chosen.

Make. It. Stop.

Put down your phone!
Clean less, play more!
Your kids aren't the center of the universe!
Never feed your kids these top 10 horrible foods!
Say no to electronics this summer!
Do these 20 fun, easy Pinterest activities for an amazing summer!

Make. It. Stop.

Sometimes I feel like I'm going to scream if one more message of how I should be parenting comes across my news feed.  I completely understand why some people choose to flee the never ending drone of the world's voices rather than stay connected through social media.

This morning I was sitting at the kitchen table with Reid working on his Christmas list.  Yes, that's right, his Christmas list.  In July.  But heck, I figured that it would be a good opportunity to spend time with him and even get him to practice some writing together.  As we worked he kept getting frustrated and what should have been a sweet time together turned into an all-out effort on my part to keep to keep my own frustrations from boiling over.  Because guess what: No matter how much time I give my kids its never enough for them.  

It seems to me that the underlying message out there is that if you do X, Y & Z (see above) your kids will be happy, healthy and content.  I call bull$hit.  

Almost every time I try to do a fun activity it seems that it ends with me near tears and ready to off the next kid who says something negative.  As an example let's say that I saw a cool idea on Pinterest about making super bubbles. In a moment of weakness and stupidity I think this sounds awesome.  It will go something like this:

Load kids in car to go get supplies for cool activity.  Because, of course, I don't have them on hand.

Listen to whining at store -we are not going to look at toys or get treats, we are just here for 1 thing.

The supplies cost around $20.  Money I could have spent going to the movies and having 2 hours of peace.

But I press on.  This will be fun and I will be a good mom for having done it.

Get home and try to read instructions and do setup while listening to constant questions and badgering.

Jake tries to steal my ipad (with said instructions) so he can play.

Try to calmly explain why I need ipad.

Break up fights that erupt in my state of distraction.

Get back to set up.

Kid knocks over $20 ingredient but I salvage enough to move forward.

Bring everyone outside to attempt awesome experiment.

It doesn't work. 

Everyone is disappointed.  $20 down the drain.

And are my kids thankful and brimming with gratitude because I tried? HECK NO.

Their frustrated. I'm frustrated.  I send everyone to their rooms to think about their attitudes and appreciate what I've tried to do for them.   I feel defeated.

I guess this is the part of the blog where I should get all philisophical and share with you the true path to happy, contented and grateful kids which (big surprise here) would have nothing to do with following everyone else's instructions.  But I don't know what that path is.  I'm still fumbling along, almost 10 years into this thing called motherhood, trying to figure it out. 

So I guess that is what I can offer you, fellow mother.  You aren't alone.  You aren't the only one who is confused.  You aren't the only one who wants to give up sometimes.  And hopefully that will be something.

Memorial Day weekend

It's Memorial Day weekend.  A time where you see and hear lots of patriotic comments and also come across some highly emotional opinions on this holiday.

I've had some thoughts lately about the weekend that I thought I would share.

A caveat to begin with.  As a service member's spouse I think I have a little more perspective on the topic than the average American citizen.  That being said, despite my husband's 10 years on active duty and numerous deployments, I have never been touched directly by someone I knew dying in combat.  Of course I know people who have passed away but not in a close or personal way.  The Gold Star Families among us have, I'm sure, many opinions on this matter that hold a great deal more weight than mine.  I say the following humbly and with full responsibility that I could be wrong.

First - Memorial Day is to honor service members who have died protecting their country.  Its not a time to honor those who have served so honorably, but survived.  They have a holiday - its called Veterans Day.

Second - the whole topic of whether or not saying "Happy Memorial Day" is ok ...  I agree with those who say it makes them feel a little sick to hear it.  I understand it.  If I had been touched by death closely and this was a weekend that brought it all back for me - I too would bristle at that.  But I think so many people - myself included- don't know what else to say ... Is it too long to say "Its Memorial Day. Never Forget"? I like that one.

Third - A lot of people get indignant at the idea of people having barbecues over Memorial Day weekend.  Here is what I think - It is very important that we make time during this long weekend to honor and remember those who have died for our country.  Yesterday my plans to attend the flag laying at our post's cemetery were foiled by the rain (we aren't afraid of rain but all our extra clothes and shoes are boxed up).  But I do hope to take my kids to the ceremony that will be held tomorrow and I do plan to talk to them about what the day means.  And I plan to tell them about Jared Van Aalst and Lt Col Rob Baldwin and my own Great Uncle Dick who all gave their lives for this country and left wives and children to grieve in their wake.
That being said I know that those men gave their lives because of what this country stands for.  As we remember and drink a toast to them is it really so bad if we also enjoy our friends and loved ones too?  I seem to think that this weekend is big enough for both.

Fourth - Remember those who are left behind.  Not just this weekend but always.  Remember the anniversary of the death and reach out to the survivors to let them know you remember.   And I don't just mean the family members. I also mean their brothers and sisters in arms who carry so much on their shoulders already but especially in the wake of the death of their comrades.  Be sensitive to them.  And even if your words feel awkward put yourself out their enough to ask them about the remembrance bracelet they wear ... they need to know their grief is not only their own.

Again, these are just my thoughts and musings.  I welcome any feedback if you think my thoughts are misplaced as long as you do it gently.  Thank you.

My Boston Race Recap (and a bunch of other random crap)

 It'll be interesting to see how much caffeine I have to consume to make it through today.  You would think that the night after a marathon one would sleep like the dead.  For the second year in a row I had a crazy bad night post race.  Last year I blamed it on the horrible events of the day but maybe it's just my body's way of punishing me for putting it through such shenanigans.  I tossed and turned and looked at my watch for most of the night.  My legs hurt, my tummy hurt, my feet hurt.  By the time 4:07 rolled around I was relieved to put the night behind me and roll out of bed (and I do literally mean roll).  

It was a very fun few days. I flew in on Saturday night and camped out with my friend and neighbor Molly and her BFF Nikki, who I now also consider a friend!  On Sunday morning Nikki went for an easy 2 miles with me and then we grabbed some breakfast from Dunkin Donuts. After showers we headed from the plush luxury of their hotel to the modest Inn at Longwood where my crew was staying. I dropped off my bag and we grabbed the T to the expo.  It was crazy, crowded and fun.  I was so grateful to have them along for company and they also acted as my personal body guards lest anyone should be intimidated by my obvious speediness and pull a Tonya Harding on me.  Alas it was unnecessary, but I think that's due in large part to their intimidation factor.  And the bacon song,  more on that later. 

We found a place to eat lunch and I enjoyed a Sam Adams 26.2 brew.  It was yummy and perfect to go along with my Thai noodle salad.  From there we soon parted ways- me to head back to the hotel to rest and them to a tour at Fenway (fun!!).

I got to the room and found that I had missed my roomie Sarah, so I rested for a bit until I heard Jen's sultry voice making its way down the hall.  It was so good to see their faces.  A short bit later we met up for dinner at the hotel and I was reunited with Ashley and Brett, and Jen's other half, Greg.  Yay!  All we were missing was Tegan who was staying with her bro in Cambridge. 

Race morning started early! Sarah's alarm went off at 5:15. I laid around until 5:45 and then started getting myself together.  Us anal marathoners lay out every last thing the night before so it was pretty easy to get dressed.  Then I shoved everything I needed into the kangaroo pocket of my sweatshirt and headed out looking like someone heading into their second trimester.  We met up and walked to the T.  This was the point where Sarah put a $20 into the machine, purchased her $5 ticket and then got $15 dollars in coins back.   I almost hurt myself laughing.   And I have a new favorite "curse" word.  "Nooooooooooo mother crapper."  Gold.  If you are wondering why this was a problem you've probably never run 26 miles.  Suffice it to say on race day you don't need any extra weight.

We made it to Boston Commons and the well oiled machine that is the Boston Marathon kicked into gear.  After an embarrassing port-o-potty incident (and for someone with IBS to say that .... It takes a lot - I'll be happy to fill you in if you are dying to know) we hopped in line for the buses and were soon on our way to Hopkinton.  It is not a short bus ride.  And it crossed my mind more than once that they were going to make me run all the way back.  

Athletes Village was nuts.  It seemed so much busier and crowded than last year, which I guess makes sense given how many more runners they had. How many more was it, you ask? I don't know.  Google it.  Let me know. 

No exaggeration, we spent the majority of our time in line for the potties.  After that we grabbed a patch of grass and finished up with the important stuff - lube, sunblock and writing our names on our arms with sharpies.  Before I knew it they were calling my corral and so Tegan and I stripped off our sweats, threw them in the donation bags and headed for the start. It's over a half mile to the start so you have lots of time to get more nervous.  You walk past the houses along the street in Hopkinton- some houses have free beer, another had a tent with sharpies, lube, sunblock, rubber bands, safety pins all for free.  People are awesome in Boston!

l got to my corral with about 2 minutes to spare. Time for a selfie and then the gun went off.  At that point I realized I'd forgotten to double knot my shoes.  Too late but thankfully it wasn't an issue.  I'm running in Brooks Glycerins right now and I don't know if I love them but at least they stay tied. 

The start of Boston is downhill and it's hard not to fly and then set a fast pace as a result.  Smart marathoners know this.  Yesterday I was not smart.  I went out fast.  Somewhere around last years pace, but I'm not in last year's shape.  

I knocked through the first few miles ok.  I hit the 10k mark and realized I still had to run 20 more miles.  That was not a highlight for me.  

It was hot yesterday.  I was sweating a lot and the wind was in our faces.  Not ideal. I ran with a handheld water bottle since camelbaks were verboten this year.  I has to stop about 5 times at water stations to get it filled up. 

I also had to stop twice to go to the bathroom which sucked. The first time was an emergency but all the potties were full so I had to stand there and wait while time kept on ticking.  That uber sucked.  The second time I literally was going to pee all over myself and so I had to pee in someone's front yard.  I have guilt.  

Finally I had to stop and lube again when I felt the chafe coming on around mile 18. I couldn't get over to the med tent in time but some nice spectators had some vaseline that I used.

That's another thing I have to note about Boston.   Even though there are aid stations every single mile, the fans set up their own aid stations along the whole course.  They offer oranges, bananas, watermelon, water, beer, Vaseline, tissues, feeezie pops.  And the kids! Oh my gosh you can run almost 26 miles straight giving kids high fives the whole way.  

I ran past the same biker bar as last year around mile 2. They are one of my favorite parts.  Then of course you have the girls at Wellesley between 12 and 13.  Their scream tunnel absolutely lives up to expectations. They all have signs and many are hilarious.  Most start with "kiss me I'm...." And then you fill in the blank.  I stopped and kissed a girl (on the cheek) who had a sign that said she's going into the army.  

The biggest surprise for me in the race this year was the hills. I just do not remember them being so brutal.  My consolation is that every single person I talked to afterwards echoed that same sentiment, so at least I wasn't alone in my misery.   Boston is a net downhill course which sounds all fine and dandy but is totally misleading!!  You go up, you go down, you go up, you go down.  I guess in the end you go down a bit more than you go up but that I assure you it's not enough.  So I'm running along, fighting it out and I come to Heartbreak Hill.  The most notorious part of the course.  It was so hard but I just put my head down and climbed it. I was so happy when I got to the top.  And then I saw mile marker 20.  Y'all, Heartbreak Hill hadn't happened yet.  My frigging sense of accomplishment was for nothing and I still had to get it done.  Somehow I had lost track of what mile I was on.  I'm pretty sure my second Heartbreak Hill was slower than my "first". I'm not gonna lie - I was defeated at that moment!  From that point on it was a gut check.  Literally and figuratively.  My stomach felt terrible and every time I tried to take a chew I threw up.  So for the last 6/7 miles I took nothing but water.  It slowed me down considerably but I could not stomach the thought of another gummy chew in my dry mouth.  

Last year I flew through Boston.  This year I gutted it out.  I wanted to stop and walk so badly a few times but I didn't. I kept going.  

At this point, if you are crazy enough to still be reading, you are wondering why anyone would ever run a marathon.  I was thinking the same thing.  I still don't have a good answer for you.  One neat story though - a few times in there I had to do some serious praying.  At one point I asked Him to just give me strength.  At that moment I felt the wind on my back, just for a few seconds, for the first and only time that day.  Chills!

Last year miles 23-26 flew by.  This year they did not.  It was a mental fight the whole time.  At 25.8 I ran by the spot I saw my friend Lori last year.  She and her family were deeply affected by the events of last year so I prayed for my friend and her sweet kids.

Then I turned the corner onto Boylston.  Did I think "oh my gosh I made it!"?  No!  I thought "I don't remember the finish line being that damn far".  

 But I made it down Boylston.  So many around me were walking and hobbling towards the finish.  It was so humbling.  I made it across the finish and through the pure hell that is the finish chute.  It goes on and on and all you want to do is sit down and cease to exist.  I found Nikki soon after and was able to give her a big hug.  It was so good to see a familiar face! 

Then Jen called to tell me some horrible news.  Sarah had collapsed at mile 23.  Her body temperature was 108!  To say she had a heat stroke is an understatement.  They rushed her to the hospital in an ambulance.  It's her story to tell but as she put it - those people saved her life yesterday.  Truly.  She is ok and I'm so overwhelmed with gratitude!!

The rest of the evening turned out a little different then planned but what matters is I was able to celebrate with people that mean a lot to me.  I'm so grateful for the chance I had to run Boston again this year.  Thankful for my running buddies to travel with, my friends for their support in boston and from home, my amazing husband for his encouragement and being willing to shoulder all the household duties for three days along with his school work.

I don't think I'll do Boston again.

I feel like my experience is complete.  I would love to go back someday as a volunteer.   But I don't need to run it again.  Regardless I will follow the race every year with excitement and pride.  Like I said, Boston has my heart!

And THIS is the bacon song.  You are welcome.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4M6qAMMqFhI

Pre-Race Jitters

I'm all jittery this morning.  I hope that sitting down and writing out some of my feelings will help.

Last year at this time all of the pieces were falling into place as I prepared for the Boston Marathon.  Months of training were on the books and I'd executed as closely to plan as possible.  In the final weeks I was tweaking my food and nutrition plan to ensure that I knew exactly what would work for me both before and during the race.  My race outfit was good to go including some new shorts that I used for my last 20 miler to ensure no unforseen chafing issues would arise.  I was eating carefully for maximum nutrition and to ensure I was as lean as possible for the race.  While I was nervous I was also confident in the training and planning I'd put into my preparation.

This year is so different.  The only training plan I've been able to follow since I hurt myself on Christmas Day has been a mishmash of everything I've done in the past.  I've had a few decent speed workouts, I got in a couple of 20 milers (at a pace significantly slower than ever before).  I even had one week that I managed to squeak out 45 miles.   Compare that to last year when I ran each workout according to an exact plan.  I had multiple 55 mile weeks and three 20 miler long runs.  On the weeks I didn't have a 20 for my long run I still often had 17 or 18.  I ran tune up races and marathon paced long runs.  When it came time to taper I knew I was ready.  Now with 12 days until the marathon I have no idea what I should be doing.  It feels weird to say I'm tapering because to me you taper from your peak. I never felt like I reached a peak so to then back off just feels wrong.   When I take it easy I beat myself up that I should be working harder, when I work hard I beat myself up that I should be taking it easy.

Here's what I think it all comes down to.  I've never before run a race where my goal was not to run faster than I ever had before.  A PR has always been my goal.  This year I know that a PR is not a possibility.  And for all the talk about how I'm just going for the experience and how I'm just happy to be there after what's happened in the last couple months, it is a majorly pride sucking experience to know I'm going to go and run the slowest marathon I ever have.  I kind of feel like a fraud.  I want to wear a sign on my back that tells everyone that I am only 9 weeks post-op from my knee surgery.   I want an asterisk by my name on the results page.

And that comes down to nothing more than pride.  I run because I love it but I also run because I'm good at it.  And if I'm honest while I can do lots of stuff pretty well I don't do anything great.  And don't bother trying to disagree with me because you'd be wrong and the point of this blog is not to get lots of you to pat my ego.  My ego doesn't need patting, but my pride sure needs a kick in the butt.  You can pray for me on that one.  Thanks.

IEP Success - buckle up, its a long one.

IEP day has historically been one of my least favorite days of the year.   Its a day where you go to your child's school, sit in a large meeting with many professionals who have all been testing and assessing your child, and hear all the things that are wrong with him.*  I have NEVER made it through one of these meetings without crying.

For those of you not in the "know" IEP stands for Individualized Education Plan.  When a child meets a certain number of criteria (such as an Autism diagnosis) they qualify for an IEP.  School's do not just hand these things out willy-nilly as there is a LOT of work that goes into creating one, working towards meeting the goals laid out, measuring progress, etc.  In evidence of this Jake's IEP is 17 pages long.  And that is for a high functioning kid on the spectrum.

When Jake's IEP was first created 3 years ago I had no clue what kind of things I could/should ask for. There are books and websites to help parents know what to expect but at that point I was so flippin' overwhelmed that I actually had a "special needed kid" (that's what Jake calls the kids at his therapy center - as in "those special needed kids", present company excluded obviously!) that I didn't do much homework beforehand.

The first few pages of the IEP are an overview of Jake and results from the assessments that he has been given.  There are four sections:
Communication
Health/Physical/Sensory
Social/Emotional/Adaptive Skills
Academics
Each section has sub points in which they lay out strengths, weaknesses, concerns, etc.  For example Jake's Communication section has a sub section on his sensory concerns and how impacts his performance at school.   When needs are identified it is noted that a goal needs to be set and the baseline from which he is starting.

Next there is a section for Accommodations/Modifications/Supplementary Aids that are made.  Jake has none for reading, math or written language but he has a sensory accommodation that allows him to have a small manipulative item (toy, eraser, etc) to help him organize and focus.  He also has a communication accommodation that Jake will restate directions to check for understanding.  He also has an accommodation that he will sit on the end to give him space to move around as needed (i.e. he does not always have to be in his seat as long as he is on task).  For this IEP we added a new accommodation that Jake will have the opportunity for additional sensory time when assignments are completed with 85% accuracy.  This was in response to Jake's tendency to rush through his work with little regard for correctness in order to proceed to the next more desirable activity (that's fancy IEP talk, y'all will learn :)

Finally we come to the meat of the IEP which is the goals.  Coming into this meeting Jake had one (!!!) goal on his IEP.  Refer back to paragraph 2.  This is a direct result of his mom having no clue what to do when I attended his first IEP meeting in 2011.  True, there were six benchmarks under this goal but the main focus of his therapy at school was in his comprehension of spoken and written words.   As a results of this goal and benchmarks Jake was then afforded (2) 30 minute special ed sessions per week and (1) 20 minute speech therapy.

In preparation for this upcoming meeting I contacted the amazing therapists at ACI (Autism Concepts) in Kansas City for help.  They had reviewed Jake's IEP and kindly informed me it was "weak" and, of course, they worked with Jake on a regular basis so they were well informed as to his strengths and weaknesses.  I was able to set up a conference call both with Nancy Champlin, who founded ACI and its 5 centers across the US, and Melissa who is the director of the KC campus.   Below I'm going to bullet out some of the things we discussed going into the meeting:

1- The principal or school psychologist must be present.  Always request that the district Autism Consultant attend the meeting as well.
2- When they run through the present level of performance it should be across all levels - both social and academic.  This will dictate the number and type of goals that are set for Jake later in the IEP.
3 - Go into the meeting prepared to clearly state my ideas and goals for Jake.
     - In addition to academic concerns this should also include "significant concerns with Jake being able to work independently and with a number of peers
     - Social skills - Jake has such a deficit that he cannot initiate an maintain a conversation with both adults and peers.  He also has issues with joining in ongoing play.
4 - The suggested that we be prepared to list 3 -5 core deficits that concerned us for Jake.
5 - When we are discussing concerns with something such as reading comprehension that we list out specifics such as 1 - when he is being read to, when he reads orally, when he reads silently.
6- We discusses our concerns about Jake's problem solving across school work and social activities.
7 - Nancy suggested that I push for no less than 8 goals.  Jake must have social goals as part of his IEP because difficulty social abilities are a core deficit of autism.
8 - Nancy also suggested that I NOT include my concerns with Jake's handwriting because he is actively working on this at ACI and we wanted to stay big picture with his goals.
9 - For each goal insist that the measurement be either data collection or permanent work product - NOT observation.  This was a BIG one.
10 - insist that goals be written to ensure that data collection is happening across the school day to include lunch, recess, art, music, etc - not just in the classroom.
***As an example here is a goal that I suggested at his IEP meeting.  The wide eyed stares and frantic scribbling that followed would lead me to believe that this does not often happen.
- "Jake will independently initiate 4 part conversations within a 1 hour data collection period, across the school day with multiple peers on 4 out of 5 consecutive data collection days."
11- Do not say "best" when talking about what I want for Jake.  They are not required to do what is "best" they are required to do what is in Jake's "interest".
12 - Overall goals need to say "independent" not "with prompts".
13 - They suggested that he should have no less than 3 goals for social skills.
    - Initiate conversation with multiple peers across the school day utilizing appropriate body language, intonation, eye contact, etc
     - Maintain the conversation
     - Modify his behavior/speech based on verbal and nonverbal peer input

Going into the meeting with this information gave me a sense of confidence in what I was trying to accomplish.  First of all I have to say every IEP meeting I've ever been in I'm always impressed with the caliber of professionals that are assembled.  And they fact that they all have Jake's success as their goal.  The meeting could not have gone better. The team was so receptive to my input and my concerns.  Going in the IEP draft that was proposed had 2 goals.  After my input we came out with 6 goals.  Still a bit short of what Nancy wanted me to shoot for but obviously still a big win.  As a result of the increased goals Jake went from 2 to 4 Special Ed sessions a week and 1 to 2 speech therapy sessions a week.  Additionally Jake will receive inclusion special ed which means the special ed teacher will come to the classroom during math and work with him in his own environment.   For the first time in 4 years I feel confident that we have an IEP that is actively doing everything possible to ensure Jake succeeds.

*There is a definite flip side to all of that which is how AMAZING it is to be surrounded by intelligent professionals who have all been testing and assessing your child and who love him and want the very best for him, as you do.  But it didn't flow with this blog post so I put it here at the end.  Every single time I had to go to a meeting there was always laughter amid the tears as we shared stories about how precious Jake is and the many ways he steals everyone's hearts.