Happy 6th Birthday Jake

Today is my big boy Jake's 6th birthday! Just so I don't start blurring the birth order roles now I'm going to keep up with what has become a tradition of writing glowing blogs, making beautiful videos, etc of Jake on his birthday while completely ignoring my other three children. They can all go to the same therapist when they get older and have group sessions where the talk about it. I'll even pay.

Six years ago I was in the hospital still reeling from what happened to my body during 19 hours of labor, three hours of pushing, a vacuum assist delivery complete with a complimentary episiotomy. It was awesome. Since no men read this (except maybe my dad) I'll also add that the next couple of days I was a spectacle to all med students & residents as having the most swollen nether regions any of the providers had seen. This was quite a way to cap off my 42 weeks of gestating my precious son.

I remember holding Jake in my arms and talking with my mom about the life ahead of him. We thought ahead to the first time a girl breaks his heart and I broke down in tears. Six years later that little boy still holds my heartstrings in his beautiful little hands. The tears I've shed worrying over him, loving on him, watching him struggle, and blossom and grow. I see a little boy who captivated everyone from the time of his birth with his beautiful blue eyes and shining blonde hair. And now I see his impish grin as he gets up to go good or the look of concentration on his brow as he works to create a masterpiece. And all of it I store up in my heart much like Mary did as she watched her precious baby Jesus.

Next month Jake starts kindergarten and to say I'm a nervous wreck is an understatement. I'm not ready to open up my fist and let my little boy go. I want to hold onto him forever. Jake is so special and unique and I'm terrified to send him out into the world. I feel more prepared for Ainsley to take on kindergarten . . . my girl who I love every single little bit as much as her big brother. But that is not how it goes an I have four more weeks to come to terms with that. Prayers welcome :) But for tonight I'll just try to celebrate my Jake and thank God for the perfect creation he made when he put that boy together.

On the Road Again

So I think I'm officially back to running. My month off set me back about 7 pounds which was not a highlight but I still managed to rest my foot enough and wait it out until I felt it was good enough to run on. Started out with just 30 minutes slow-ish on the treadmill on Tuesday. Felt good so I took off yesterday and then ran my regular route this morning. It felt good the majority of the time except when I'd step on a rock funny. Its felt good (pain free) all the rest of today so I'm encouraged in that and ready to get serious about training for the Army 10 Miler.

As a result of moving to the area and making lots of new facebook connections with people I'm getting to know I'm feeling a bit more shy with what I put out on my blog. Right now I just feel like writing a big old whiny post but I'm hesitant because I don't want to scare any newcomers away from me. I feel like the majority of my posts since I moved here have been whiny rather than cheerful. Its just still so hard to feel like I belong here sometimes and on weeks like this one (where I'm extra emotional) it really gets to me. I've met soooo many welcoming, kind, friendly women here so that isn't the problem. The problem is that many of these women have a life here - a busy, friend filled, fruitful life - and it doesn't happen to revolve around me. Insanity, I know. And I am insanely busy too but right now that mostly involves taking my children to a never ending parade of doctor's appointments, trying so hard to keep up with my housekeeping & occasionally working a project or two into the mix. Bottom line is that I'm lonely. I want to pick up the phone and call someone but then I stop because I don't want to whine or become a burden.

I know that when we find a church and really settle in that will (hopefully) help. I'm really craving a community group situation like what we had back in TN and I pray that there is one out there for us.

And before I chicken out from sharing my heart I'm going to hit the publish post button.

Sorry To Keep You Waiting

So I know you are all just dying in anticipation to here my next take on my Vibrams. Well, I'm an idiot and rather than reading how to adjust to barefoot running I just jumped right in and managed to give myself a stress fracture. Words do not express how frustrated I am. I was finally reaching my top fitness level and feeling really good in my workouts AND gearing up to train for the Army 10 miler. And now . . . well know I am starting in on my 3rd week of no training trying to get my foot to heal. I've been riding Ryan's bike when I can and yesterday I did the elliptical . . . hoping to start 30 day shred with my girlfriend as soon as it arrives in the mail but nothing compares to a long, hard run. And the worst part is I have no idea when it'll heel up and I'll feel better. If I had some sort of a timeline that might help but right now I'm just taking it day by day. Wouldn't you think that 4 weeks would be enough time to heal a stress fracture? That is what I'm hoping for.

Now the question is what to do, what to do once I heal and start running again. I think at this point with the countdown on until 10 miler time my best bet is to just put on my Asics and stick with those until after the race. Then I'll give it another try and ease into a fivefinger existence more slowly this time. But seriously I just want to scream. Isn't it hard enough to find time to workout, etc without having this happen. So that is that.

A break from your regularly scheduled blog . . .

I've been on an odyssey of sorts for the past couple of weeks ever since my friend/babysitter Christin gave me a book that she said I HAD to read. Its called Born To Run and from the moment I started it I could barely put it down. It really challenged a lot of my preconceived ideas about running for exercise and what the human body is capable of and made for. If you like running or want to like running I can't recommend this book enough BUT I will warn you that after reading it you'll want to go run a 50 mile ultramarathon. Don't worry though because the next time you go for a jog you'll be knocked back down to reality (or at least I was).

Long story short was that the main thing I took away from this book was that my running shoes might be part of my problem when my knees started to act up every now and then. After the thorough explanation in the book about the idea of barefoot running I was intrigued to say the least. For a long time I've laughed at the Vibram Fivefingers as the freakiest looking "shoes" that I've ever seen. My fashion sensible side wanted no part of these. But the part of me that loves a good run (one that is pain free) was dying to give them a try. So, after doing some research including a couple of barefoot runs on my treadmill I was ready to give them a try. Lucky me that the maid of honor from our wedding is the manager at River Jack's so she was able to give me a heads up when a pair in my size came in (these things are SUPER popular). So I picked them up on Saturday and took them out for my first spin on Sunday. My plan is to give you all a rundown of my first few times running in them in case any hobby runners like me out there are considering the switch.

After getting use to the feeling of having something in between each of my toes I took off. My first observation is that these shoes are not designed for running on gravel roads. Maybe fine gravel would be ok but my street has larger rocks and they hurt! So I got off my beaten path and ran along the pinestraw which was much better. When I hit the pavement again it was a bit hard on my feet. So when I crossed the street I hopped onto the grass running alongside the curb. My second observation is that I wouldn't be setting any records in these shoes as I had to be a lot more careful where I was stepping and I found myself running with more awareness of each footfall. My about the turn around point my left foot was aching a bit with each step. When I zoned out I found that it didn't bother me at all but as soon as I tried to pay attention to my stride I felt it again. When I was able to get onto a cushy place of sand or straw I felt no discomfort at all. Running the same length of time as usual I probably covered about a half mile less than what I might usually.

I didn't get any blisters from the fivefingers and it didn't mess up my pedicure. What I noticed soon after my run and even more yesterday was a pleasant soreness in my calf muscles. I like this feeling showing that my legs were working differently in these shoes and I hope that will work to improve my fitness.

Stay tuned for my next installment of day two in the fivefingers.

Ants!!!!!!

This morning while I was still fumbling around for my coffee Ainsley called to me that there was an ant on the floor next to her. No biggie, I thought as I went to check it out. That ant, however, led me to another ant and another ant and another ant until I found myself by our breakfast nook window where the floorboards were crawling with ants. I freaked out and started calling every pest control company in the book. Only one was actually open at 7 a.m. and none, apparently, view my ant infestation as a major emergency. WRONG ANSWER.

Fortunately I got some good advice on Facebook and after Jane Dare's nap (during which time I kept my vac on high alert and sucked up the little buggers every chance I had) I packed the kids up and we headed for Lowes. I got in, got out with the stuff I needed and the kids were great! As we were heading out the door I was telling them how proud of them I was and what a great job they had done. I said to them, "You know what? You guys were so good that when we get home . . . " but that was as far as I got because a man walking behind me thought it would be a great idea to yell out "GO FOR ICE CREAM". Um, what!?!?! Excuse me but did you really just say that to my three young children who now believe they are going to be rewarded with ice cream? Are you going to chaperone that excursion? Were you planning to buy? Who the heck do you think you are Mister! I wanted to kill him. Instead I laughed and looked at the kids and went back to what I was originally going to suggest to which Jake replied "that sounds like an even better idea Mom". Whew, barely escaped that one alive!

The Rest of The Story

When I was in elementary school my family participated in a neighborhood carpool group to get my brother and I back and forth to school. We went to a private Christian school (so no buses) but my parents got lucky in that our small neighborhood had three other families with large vehicles and children at the same school. I still remember sobbing at the front window waiting for Mrs. Sherrill to show up on Monday mornings when I had safety patrol duty. She was ALWAYS late and I was, after all, the Captain of the patrol so I was supposed to be early. I'm surprised I survived those mornings - both that my parents didn't kill me and that my heart managed the stress of it all.

Often when it was Mrs. G's day to pick us up we'd climb into her enormous Chevrolet station wagon and get to hear the "rest of the story". Literally always just in time to hear the culmination to whatever great tale Paul Harvey had been weaving.

Well, if you saw my post a couple of weeks ago on Facebook about Jake heading out one evening to deliver pictures he'd drawn to our neighbors . . . now you can get ready for the rest of the story.

When Jake got home that evening awash in the glow of sharing his art with adoring fans he immediately began planning which pictures he would draw next and deliver to the neighbors he'd missed. We assured him we would take him out again soon and kissed him goodnight and put him to bed. Aaaah, we smiled, what a sweet, wonderful boy we have there.

The next morning my cell phone rang from my bedside table rousing me out of a sound sleep. I grabbed it and noted first the time and then the fact it was a local number that I didn't recognize. I almost didn't answer but curiosity got the better of me. Good thing I did answer because who was calling me at 6:39 a.m. but my neighbor down the street who had been roused from her sleep by Jake and Ainsley knocking at her door in the pajamas to deliver a picture. Even better she was NOT the first stop they had made apparently. Bless Kathy's heart she called me to let me know that she had two of my children in her possession. I gasped, began apologizing profusely and assured her that Ryan would be right down. He was walking out the door before I even hung up the phone.

What I wouldn't give to have been a fly on Jake and Ainsley's bedroom wall to see who woke up whom and what conversation preceded a early morning trek down Midland Trail.

God is watching out for my little chicks in more ways than one but tonight as I write out this story I'm thankful for kind neighbors, good cell phone reception in our house, and a house at the end of quiet, gravel street.

Is Mother's Day Over Yet?

Not to complain (who, me???) but I don't have very positive feelings about Mother's Day. Not because of any deep Freudian reasons or problems with my own lovely mother but more because the bleeping Army has pretty much ruined it for me. My first MD was in 2005. Ryan was home, I was newly pregnant with Ainsley but Ryan was also graduating that weekend with his PhD so I got a little overshadowed. (waah, waah). In 2006 Ryan was in Iraq and I had a 21 month old and a 4 month old so it totally sucked. In 2007 Ryan was home and we were on a cruise in Alaska. Ok, so that one was pretty good. In fact, I came home from that cruise with Reid. Is that TMI? Sorry. In 2008 Ryan made it home on Mother's Day Eve so that was nice to have him home but he was very jet-lagged and I was kinda cranky. In 2009 Ryan was gone. In 2010 Ryan is gone. Do you see a theme here.

I have to say that my wonderful husband does everything he can to make my day nice when he can't be here. I get presents, there are always flowers delivered . . . the problem is the dang kids. Do you see my dilemma? Someone actually commented to me one time that they had thought about offering to babysit for me on Mother's Day but then they realized that of course I'd want to be with them on Mother's Day. Um (cough, cough) yes, of course I would! What kind of mother would want to be away from her offspring on Mother's Day!?!

Me, to be perfectly honest. I love my children. They bring me so much joy an happiness but they also plain wear me out and Sundays can be particularly difficult. I had a breakdown this morning trying to get us all out of the door for church on time and I might have said a naughty word when I dropped some ice on the floor (the horror!). Thankfully Jane Dare was the only one who heard it and she promised not to repeat it.

But what would really make a great Mother's Day would be to sleep in, have my children calmly shower me with cards and gifts while I eat breakfast in bed and then for them to *poof* disappear for 5, 6, 7 hours. And then I can see them again at dinnertime and treasure these little darlings that I've given life too.

Ryan, are you listening?