When I first started this blog, one of the things I loved most about the process was the opportunity to capture the mundane little details of life. The blog served as a journal of sorts and was a needed tool for me to verbally process the whirlwind that was my existence in those early years of motherhood. Somewhere along the way, I started only blogging the BIG things - big events, big feelings, big opinions. Then, in 2020, when the world fell apart, it all felt too big.
I'd like to get back to the simple. Where my blog was for me, with the added bonus that sometimes my stories brought laughter to those who were reading them, or, even better, let someone know they weren't alone in the struggle that motherhood can be.
Jane Dare started Drivers Ed on Monday. Jake is less than 3 months away from not being a teenager anymore. Ainsley had her senior prom and is now in the final push to graduation. Reid will be getting his license in about a month. My life looks so different now from the stage of motherhood that I was in when I started this blog. I remember running at the YMCA, just praying that I could get to 5 miles on the treadmill before someone came and got me because one of my kids was crying in the child care room. Those days were physically exhausting. I remember praying for just an hour or two where no one would touch me, or talk to me.
What no one prepares you for is how the teenage years bring a tradeoff from physical exhaustion to mental exhaustion. While I won't wax poetic and say that I would go back again to those days again in a heartbeat (I wouldn't, those were some tough times - joyous, fun, happy - but tough) I will be honest that this past year of parenting has been one of the hardest I have ever known.
When your kids are little, there is so much that you can control. But parenting teenagers is very similar to driving a manual car. Your control is the clutch. Their control is the gas. The teen years is all about that smooth movement of slowly lifting up on the clutch while pushing down on the gas as you allow them the freedom to begin navigating life on their own terms. The idea is simple. The execution is anything but.
How much do I hover over grades versus letting them choose how much work to put in?
What is the line between encouraging modesty versus body positivity?
How do I convey the idea of respecting your body without opening the door to the shame that purity culture brings (ask me how I know)?
How much of church attendance is forced versus encouraged (from someone who still has anxiety on Sundays)?
How do you know when they are ready to get their license and drive responsibly?
How much do I step in when they are fired unfairly by a boss that has no patience for special needs?
And that doesn't even begin to get into electronics, social media, curfews, consequences, responsibilities ... the list goes on and on.
If you're a younger mom reading this, I honestly don't mean this to be discouraging. I'm so grateful that I have some amazing mom friends who have been so encouraging, kind, caring, empathetic and, most of all, non-judgemental as I have navigated this past year. Having a husband who is an expert in human behavior has been kind of helpful to. But, even with all that, I'll say again - it is HARD. So mommas, if you're reading this, I guess I can sum up today's post with a couple thoughts.
1- Let's be each other's biggest cheerleaders.
2- You don't know until you've walked it yourself. If the words "I personally would never ..." start to come out of your mouth I would encourage you to stop yourself right there.
3 - Parenting is hard. Give yourself a hug. And then go give your teenager a hug. Whether they want it or not. :)
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