Guess who?

 Last month I had the opportunity to reconnect with a very special friend.   She was one of those friends that you take for granted in the whirlwind of life as a young mom when most of your relationships seem to revolve around your kids' activities.  I definitely took her quiet wisdom, graceful presence and calm demeanor for granted as we crossed paths at school drop offs and pick ups, birthday parties and military functions.  

The neat thing about a relationship like that, is when you haven't seen one another in so long, the catch up can serve as an opportunity to reflect on all the sneaky changes that you may not have even processed in your own life.  As we were talking she asked me why I stopped writing, mentioning that she missed hearing what I had to say.  It may be a simple question but the answer is far from simple.  It genuinely caused me to pause and reflect on why I had stopped doing something that was a beautiful outlet for me to share and process.  

While there are many reasons (too busy, lack of inspiration, other priorities, etc) I honestly think the big WHY to my absence is because I was scared.  Up until 2020, my little corner of the world felt like a very safe place. I was comfortable with my beliefs and viewpoints and felt confident that most of the people in my circle saw things in a similar way.  Covid changed all of that.  My church no longer felt like home when those who profess to follow the Bible became more concerned with their "rights" than loving their neighbor.  Additionally, every time I turned around it seemed like someone that I trusted was saying something selfish or hateful on social media.  I spent so much time fuming and plotting at the injustice and self-righteousness of others,  to the point that I also became very self-righteous in MY viewpoints.  All of the blog posts that I started to write went unpublished because I was scared to lose more friends or feel like more of an outsider than I already did.  

So, what changed?  I don't know.  Maybe the reminder from my friend that I didn't just write for me, I wrote so others would know they weren't alone.  Or, the fact that I turn 45 in a few days and I really need to get over what some people might think of me.  Regardless, I am excited to start writing again.  I assure you, it will be sporadic, it will be random and it will piss some people off.  I'll do my best to be ok with that.