2.20.25

 My parents are currently on a cruise around the Antarctic circle and in a quest to check in with their adventures I decided to check if they had posted anything new on FB.  Apparently, this is the only way for them to share photos, which seems suspicious, but I digress.  Instead of what I was hoping to find, the first thing that came on my feed was a post by an acquaintance of mine sharing her decision that people who only post to share negative things about the president will get “snoozed”.   

Here’s my reaction to that.  How very nice it must be, to live in such a bubble for that you are able to mindlessly post about what you ate for dinner that night, as if our very society isn’t crumbling beneath us.  As if the very worst of human nature isn’t on display for the world to see, each and every day here in America.  How very upper middle class, white, evangelical of you to demand to see less of the hurt and sorrow that your neighbors are feeling and more of whatever you deem to be appropriate Facebook posting.  

I also love the hurt feelings on the part of people I know who can’t take the outrage and frustration that is being leveled at them because they ignored all the evidence and chose to vote for Donald Trump.  Now they are posting about how sad it is to be called names over “political discourse”.  Friend, I’m going to hold your hand when I say this, it’s not political discourse. Many of us who lean center or left of center know that we are in an everyday, uphill, soul stealing battle to protect those without a voice.  We are literally seeing the end of common decency and respect for those with different color skin, religious beliefs, sexual orientation, etc, and you want to act like we are sitting at Coffee Talk chatting about how the Industrial Revolution was neither Industrial, nor a revolution.  

I’m verklempt. 

Anywho.  Those are my thoughts for today. 

2.1.25

 As previously noted, this year my blog is focused more on being my personal journal than an edited commentary, therefore I will not be editing or even re-reading before I post.  

I feel sad.  Like overwhelmingly, paralyzingly sad.  I keep hoping with each passing day that the weight will lift and I will feel a little bit of hope, but it seems that the opposite is happening.  Today I feel like I could legitimately sit and cry for the rest of the day if I let myself.  

The state of this country has brought me to a state of hopelessness that I didn’t know I could feel.  

My youngest daughter has a friend, let’s call her Janet, who is now afraid to come to school.  She is also afraid to stay home.  You see, Janet’s parents are not in the US through the proper channels.  Despite the fact that they have been here many years, have jobs, pay taxes and have no criminal records, they face the very real and very imminent prospect of being deported.  If you ask “well, why didn’t they go through the proper channels?” I would try not to laugh in your face as I ask what exactly those channels are.  They left everything they had in their home country to take an unknown chance here - how bad must things have been there to take that risk?  And now these contributing, lawful members of our society are afraid for their lives. We’ve gone from talking about Janet’s upcoming quinceanera to discussing reports of what ICEs latest local movements are.  And it breaks my heart.  

Last week a solider came to my husband’s office, terrified.  18 years in the service.  An exemplary record.  Liked and respected by all.  A model officer.  She is a trans woman so her entire future has now been put in jeopardy.  I’m trying to imagine what it must be like to spend the majority of your life feeling like you’re in the wrong body, to finally experiencing relief when the government told her she could embrace her true identity and still serve her country, to now facing the very real possibility that it will all be taken away from her.  

I know a husband and wife who have served in the education sector for their entire careers.  Selfless dedication to making our system stronger and better.  Now they are both employed by a federal education grant … which means they may both soon be unemployed.

Cancer patients in clinical trials at MD Anderson are having their hope taken away from them when the trials are stopped in their tracks.

And then I wake up on Thursday to the horrific news of the plane crash in DC.  I spent the day feeling grieved and horrified, just to tune into a press conference in time to see the president blame DEI.  My jaw dropped. My first thought was “this is so horrible and offensive and baseless, maybe now some of MAGA will see how crazy he is”… only to have the sick realization slowly sink in that it’s actually the opposite that will happen.  Those who follow him will see his statement and blindly accept that this tragedy had anything to do with DEI, rather than looking into other news sources with my plausible and realistic reasoning.    My fear was only further confirmed when I heard that one of the Army pilots was a female, who’s family has requested that her name NOT be released so that she isn’t subjected to a post mortem raking over the coals to determine if she deserved to be in that seat or not.  

Guys.  How do I process this?  How do I move forward each day when every time I venture out of my house I feel like I am surrounded by people who are cheering for the very things that are breaking me.