Stolen and Hilarious.

I just stole this from a note my friend Gwendolyn posted on her facebook. I give all credit to her for finding it but it is just TOO genius to not pass this along!!! My personal favorites are the grocery store test and OF COURSE the last one. Not that I have any childless friends who read this blog who, ahem, think they know a thing or two to teach parents about raising their kids. But if I did . . . :)

How to know whether or not you are ready to have kids: -

Mess Test Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (you may substitute roofing tacks if you wish). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold and take off shoes. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night. -

Grocery Store Test Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage. -

Dressing Test Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside. -

Feeding Test Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor. -

Night Test Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00pm, begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00pm. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00am. Set alarm for 5:00am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful. -

Ingenuity Test Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. -

Automobile Test Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the CD player. Take a family-size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a rake along both side of the car. There, perfect! -

Physical Test (Women) Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Then remove the beans. And try not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won't be wearing them for a while. -

Physical Test (Men) Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time. -

Final Assignment Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, and toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

Easter

This post is a little overdue since Easter was yesterday . . . I guess if it was an overview of our Easter it wouldn't really be overdue but since it isn't, it is. Ha - try to make sense of that one. I have a good excuse though for this being late. 1 - my parents were here for a great week and I hated to spend time on the computer when I had great adult company . 2 - I got sick as a dog on Wed/Thurs - ya know, puking and all. It was great. 3 - Ainsley got her hands on the computer last week and pulled the space bar off and while I've fixed it to the best of my abilities its still really annoying and typing just isn't much fun when you have to backspace every third word to take out extra spaces. Thanks Ains.

So, Easter. Its a wonderful time of celebration in the world of believers. Its really THE most important time as we reflect on our sin and the price Christ paid on the cross to wipe us clean of sin so that we could know the Father God. None of the gripes that are about to follow are in the least meant to detract from the true meaning of Easter. Hmmm, maybe if I'd actually been in the Easter service yesterday rather than serving in the toddler nursery I'd feel less like griping but since that WASN'T the case here goes my complaining (whew, I was worried I wasn't going to be able to work my personal pity party into this post). My gripe is about Easter clothing. Its a nasty scam. I mean, here we are pressure to put our little girls in little frilly dresses so we run out and buy these adorable frocks and sandals and then 5 days before when we check the weather and realize its going to be 30 degrees on Easter morning we go into a panic. Then we are on the hunt for a matching cardigan, tights, shoes instead of sandals . . . and we have to pay top dollar for them all because we already have the dress and heavens knows we can't change that. So Easter morning dawns cold as all get-out and we pile on the layers and finally top it all off with a dress meant to be warn on an 80 degree day. Its maddening I tell you. The one good thing is as the mom of two boys I have it easy there. I mean - at least Jake isn't sweating his head off in his undershirt, long sleeve button up and sweater vest! Actually, follow me on a short rabbit trail. A few years ago we were in Charlotte for Easter and it was blazing hot. Seriously, the only Easter I have any memory of it even being warm, let alone hot. So, I have Jake in white twill pants, a long sleeve white button up shirt and a seersucker blazer and he was burning up! Poor kid - I still look at those pics and laugh at his poor little red cheeks.
Now, on to adult women and our Easter apparel expectations . . . Has anyone examined the Belk or Dillards Easter ads lately? Do you see the clothing they have these women in? Its the same crap they wanted our moms to wear in the 80's. Why on earth does the celebration of Christ's Resurrection mean I have to dress up in some hideous pastel Easter outfit? I'm sorry but I just refuse. I mean its frightening, really.
And I think I could go on with other topics - such as the requirement for an Easter dinner of foods I don't particularly enjoy - but if I wait to get time to get that all out this post will never happen. And its late enough already!

Going, Going, Gone

Today my sweet baby Reid wasn't feeling so well. Here are a few pictures of him at lunch ...

Going...Going. . .

GONE!

Spring Break

Whoever came up with the name "Spring Break" was obviously not thinking of mothers. This week has not been so much break-like as its been work-like. I think Spring Work might be a more appropriate title. Or "Spring What In the Heck Are We Going To Do Today?" might be another good one.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm really not complaining. Its not been a bad week (even though I'm happy to see it drawing to a close). We've done a lot of fun things and enjoyed our lazy mornings and time with friends. However I won't linger on Monday morning once Jake and Ainsley are safely in their teacher's jurisdiction.
And its definitely is starting to feel like Spring so that is making everyone happy (ok, I kind of laugh as I type that because right now my kids are absolutely having a hissy fit at each other screaming and crying so at this exact moment they are not happy . . . but I'm choosing to ignore it). But the trees are all starting to bud or bloom. We made a trip to Lowes this week to pick out some lovely flowers for our front walk and pots (flowers that hopefully will say "buy this house!" to potential buyers). And a robin built its nest on a fence post in our backyard and yesterday there was just one egg but today there were two! How exciting! I was a little stressed last night when the storms came that sweet mama bird was going to lose her nest but thankfully it was still there safe and sound this morning. Now if I can just keep my kids out of it . . . See, I thought it would be cool to show Jake what was happening right in our very own backyard - thinking he was mature enough to understand that he must not touch the nest, etc. Well, I think I was wrong. So now one of my main pastimes is shooing the kids away from the nest. I will not have eggacide happen on my watch! Anyway, right now we are reveling in Spring and even though I may have to cover my flowers for our projected rain/snow event on Monday - I WILL NOT LET IT GET ME DOWN - so there!
And finally I have to brag on my Jake. He is getting to be such a big boy. Today we were at Chick-Fil-A (shocking, I know) and when he asked to get ice cream I told him he'd have to go up and get it himself. Well, I didn't know if this would work or not but I handed him his kids meal toy to trade in and anxiously watched as he headed up to the counter. Well, my little boy so clearly told the man that he would like an ice cream, then handed him the toy, and then clarified that he would like it in a cone and not a cup. I was so proud of him I could have burst!
Well, I guess I should go dress the kids for bed and read some books before I chuck them in bed. Goodnight!

Happy Birthday Ryan

Happy 33rd Birthday to my wonderful husband! Times like this when I get to sit back and reflect on my amazing guy and how thankful I am for him . . . I tend to get overwhelmed by the blessing he has been to me. I am a different person now than when we met - he's made me better in so many ways. And at the same time he has loved me for just who I am. He has never tired of caring for me and taking care of me and I have such incredible security in him, in our love, in our marriage and what we've built together.

When I met him he was a really cute, really, really amazing soccer player and the guy that everyone wanted to be around. Oh, and he also loved Jesus Christ and wasn't afraid to say it, show it, or tell others about it. How was I to know that one day he would earn his doctorate (something I'm immensely proud of), become a soldier (something else I'm immensely proud of) and turn out to be the most amazing father I could have imagined for my children. I guess I just saw in him all the wonderful qualities just waiting for the opportunity to come out.

I just always knew, right from the start, that we were supposed to be together. And here we are 14 years later and I love him more than ever. So I guess I was right about him (and vice versa).

So Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband. I love you and miss you and can't wait for you to come home safely.

Let in the Light

Let me just start off by saying that it is 4:22 p.m. and I have not talked to a single adult all day long. Not even one single word. And that is starting to wear on me. I know I could pick up the phone and call someone but I don't even have much to say and I'd just be using them for adult conversation . . . so there it is. Plus, I haven't exactly been bored. It just would've been nice to have a conversation is all I'm saying.

So, today's topic of conversation is window coverings. The minute I get up in the morning I begin the process of letting in the light from outside. Whenever its possible to open up those curtains I do (i.e. AFTER I've gotten my shower and gotten dressed, etc). I love natural light. I love to feel it warming my house. Even on overcast days it still brightens in its own muted way. So I DO NOT GET people that leave there blinds drawn all day. I mean, do they really think that at 11 a.m. someone is lurking outside just waiting for them to open their blinds so that they can peak in? Besides, its very difficult to see INTO someone's windows during the daytime if you are out in the light anyway. Not that I've tried, I'm just sayin'. Do some people really enjoy living in a cave? Do they just love the idea of their electricity meter running nonstop as they use artificial light to cast a glow on their sallow skin? I mean, really. I had a lady that lived next door to me for 3 years and I kid you not, I saw her blinds open ONE time. In THREE years. Is that not just weird. I mean, she also drove around the entire block to pick up her mail without having to get out of her car so I guess there is more there than just the blinds. Anyhow. I have other neighbors who seem entirely normal except for the fact that on a beautiful, sunny day - when it is 74 degrees and breezy - they have every shade closed. Me, I have every single window open and the most lovely movement in my home. Even if you are addicted to A/C (another gripe for another day) wouldn't you at least like to enjoy the sunshine?

Ok, that's it. Gripe done. Time to take Jake to soccer practice where hopefully the one mother that I seem to have anything in common with will be there so we can chat. C'mon Elizabeth. Don't let me down.

Refreshed

I am feeling most certainly refreshed. This weekend I had the opportunity to steal away with a few dear friends to spend time doing an activity I enjoy and get great satisfaction from. It was my bi-annual scrapbooking retreat to Paris Landing State Park and, as has become tradition, my dear Redonna was able to come up and go with me. It was such a great time of laughing and catching up with friends while also walking down memory lane as I preserved memories from Reid's birth, special summer trips and our wonderful vacation to Disney World. We stayed up late each evening because the scrapbooking room is truly a time warp location - you blink and its 2 a.m. - but I had the luxury of sleeping in both mornings! I can't say enough how much this weekend recharged my batteries and how grateful I am to have had the opportunity to go.

My incredible mother-in-law Belinda came down to take on my three kids for 48 hours of craziness. She drove down after she closed her store on Thursday afternoon and didn't arrive until well after midnight. But the next morning was up-and-at-'em with me and the kids (well, Red too). And what a CRAZY couple of days it was. Our house has been on the market for the past month and we've had a few showings but not too much activity. Well, wouldn't you know that I have two houseguests and am preparing for a weekend away and I get a call that someone wants to come see our house in 2 hours . . . and I get this call as Belinda and I are on our way to a photo session I'd had scheduled for months for Ainsley. So I call Redonna (there could not have been a better person here in this "crisis") and she immediately begins transforming my home based on her HGTV expertise. When I came back to pick her and Reid up this place looked like a model home. It was unbelievable. We all headed to Chick-fil-A to wait out the showing and returned with some exhausted kids! Redonna and I quickly packed up the rest of our things and took off.
Well, Saturday morning I awoke to three messages on my voicemail. One was that Belinda couldn't find Ainsley's shoes, the next was from my agent that the same people from Friday wanted to come look again at 11 and the third was from another agent that wanted to show it at 11:30. And I'm an hour away . . . ACK! I know my kids and that 16 hours is more than enough time to take my house from treasure to trash. I immediately call Belinda who has a mild heart attack at the news. But HALLELUJAH my dear friend Anna was here to watch Reid during Jake's soccer game so she was able to clean my house up. Two days in a row, two dear women step in to clean my house for a showing. Nuts. Just crazy.
After that I believe the weekend settled down. I know that Belinda could probably use a very long nap but I'm so grateful for the time I got away and for the dear women who made it all possible!
PS - looks like my house lost out at the very end. We were a final two contender but we may have been beat out by a last minute entry!